When I take off the good girl mask you would be appalled with the ugliness that’s inside. You see when my parents went out to drink on the weekends my brother who was 9 years older than me would take me in the bathroom and sexually abuse me. No 8 year old girls should have to know the things that I knew about. He said if I told, he would badly hurt my younger brother. So I never told.
This festered in me and created a girl who could put on so many masks and everyone thought my life was perfect. In high school and college I drank and used drugs to numb the pain. I did not believe I was worth caring for. In one breath I tried harder and harder to be perfect in the other mask, I was promiscuous, very flirty and looking for love in the wrong places.
After a hard night of drinking and drugs, I ended up doing things I was very ashamed of. I couldn’t take it anymore and swallowed several handfuls of pills thinking this would end my pain and let me rest in peace.
Thankfully some friends saved me and took me to the hospital to have my stomach pumped. Through this situation I was able to share with my family my earlier abuse. It has been a long road to recovery with medication, counseling, and family support. Please know your journey can end positively and you can be the amazing person you were created to be.