I'm guessing you're frustrated with your messed-up mom. Her addictions and issues are causing her to be someone you don't know or respect.
She's embarrassing.
She's critical and sometimes abusive.
She seems to care more about her addictions than she does for you.
Your mom has said and done things that make it hard for you to forgive her. In fact, you don't know if you ever will, and it makes you angry. You hate her for lying to you. You hate her for fighting with everyone all the time. You hate her for being such a mess. It's not fair that you have to be the one taking care of things.
But you love her, too, because she's your mom. You remember what she was like before all of this, and you feel so guilty for holding this hate in your heart. If only things would change!
You know it's not possible to stop her behavior, because you've tried. But what can you do to feel better?
Acknowledge the Problem
The first step in taking control of your life is admitting that your mom has a problem, even if she won't. Talk to someone about it. If it's hard to tell someone you know, call an organization like Alateen (They have a 24-hour hotline at 1-800-344-2666).
Alateen has support groups that will help you learn effective ways to cope with your mom and your situation.
Learn Not to Take It Personally.
Recognize that you are not responsible for your mom's behavior and you can't help her fix it. She will have to make that choice for herself. In the meantime, your mom's going to say things that are hurtful. It's a symptom of her disease. Try to remember that the next time she says something that pierces your self-esteem. It's the alcohol or drugs talking, not your mom.
Get To A Safe Place if Your Mom Becomes Abusive.
You are not being disloyal to your mom if you seek to protect yourself. Nobody deserves to be physically hurt, no matter what the relationship. If you or your siblings are in danger, tell someone so they can help you find a safe place to go.
It may feel like you are alone, facing a hopeless situation, but you are not. People are available to help, if you look for them. Like a whisper of hope in the darkness, they are there with ways to make your life less stressful. Things can get better.