Sometimes horrible things happen to us and we are never the same. We stand in the shower, turning it as hot as it will go, hoping to wash away the abuse and the memories. But they don't go away. The feelings and images linger and haunt us repeatedly. At school we put on a smile, but the feelings of dirtiness and worthlessness remain. We feel alone, and we worry we are ruined and will never be able to overcome the affects of what's happened. But we're wrong. We are not ruined, and we can overcome these terrible events. The first thing we need to realize is that all of these feelings we are having (humiliation, fear, confusion, anger, guilt, shame) is normal. We are not going crazy. Rebuilding feelings of safety, trust, and self-worth can take a long time, and that’s okay. We need to realize the abuse was not our fault. The only person responsible for what happened is the one who decided to carry out the assault. We can’t let people’s comments let us think otherwise. No one has the right to violate another person for any reason. Recovering is going to be a long, complicated process, so we shouldn't feel guilty if we can't "get over it." Seeking the help of a trusted friend, school counselor, or therapist can give us the support we need to get through the healing process. There is no shame in admitting we can’t do it alone. We need to be patient and kind to ourselves. Remember, we are worthy, and we do have value. In time, we will heal and learn to trust again. Others have done it, and so will we. It will be hard, but we are brave. Don’t give up, friend. Much love to you. Tired of having parents who breathe down your neck? Does it feel like they interrogate you every time you turn around? Do you just need a little space? If you said yes to these questions, you are not alone. Every teen struggles with a desire to be in charge of themselves, and guess what? That's what your parents want, too. Parents look forward to your getting older, so they don't have to watch over you as much. So how can we make this happen? Here are three good strategies: 1. Communicate With Them Nothing makes a parent crankier than not knowing what's going on with their kid. It causes them all kinds of worry, which in turn gets them in your face asking questions. Think of it like hearing a noise outside when you're all alone in a dark house. Not knowing what's going on out there, makes your mind freak out and go to the dark side. It's the same with parents. Since you know they want details to ease their minds, give them some before they ask the questions. Tell them one thing about your day when you come home after school. Before you go out with friends, let them know ahead of time who you'll be with, where you're going, and when you'll be home. It may seem silly to you, but it will communicate to your parents that you are mature and trustworthy. 2. Hang Out With Them Your parents have been doting on you since you took your first breathe. Imagine how hard it is for them to wake up one morning and have to stop spending time with you. Ever try to quit something cold turkey? It's not easy, especially if it's something you love. Even people quitting smoking use patches and things to ease into it. Spending some time each week with your parents, will help ease their pain of having to let you grow up. It will also help your relationship. Just watch how putting in some face time with them will enable them to understand you better. 3. Be Truthful Doesn't take a genius to figure out that a liar can't be trusted. Don't you hate it when your friends hide things and keep secrets from you? How do you think it feels when it's someone in your family doing it? It's even worse. A surefire way to get your parents on your back is to bend the truth a little. The next time you are tempted to bend the truth, ask yourself: Is what I'm doing going to build trust or break trust? The more you show your parents you can be trusted, the more freedom you will have. Thank you to Josh, our guest blogger today, for his thoughts and insights of having a brother with depression. Depression can be a very difficult thing. It affects not just who you are and what you like to do, but it can literally make you a different person. My family has always had problems with depression and has been difficult as a family to work through and support each other. Depression has definitely changed my life and has made me make some changes as to how I live. One of the worst moments in my life that prompted one of those major changes came to me when I was in school in Hawaii. It was early in the morning and I heard my phone buzzing something not out of the norm but I decided to look and see who it was anyway. As I roll over I notice it was my brother calling something that didn’t happen too often. Right as I answered I knew something was wrong and millions of thoughts started to race through my head! He informed me that he was in a bad place and needed to tell me something. He had swallowed a lot of pills and was off sitting in a random parking lot. My heart sank and a tear streamed down my face as I realized I was 3,000 miles away and couldn’t rush to him. I realized I needed to act smart and do everything I could now to save him. I slowly told him that I loved him and he needed to get to the school right away as my mom was teaching there. I made him promise me to go now and told him how much I loved him. It was one of the hardest moments in my life having to hang up that phone with him struggling on the other line. I instantly called the school and got them to patch me through to my mom. I sat there in silence for a few seconds before being quite stern with my mom and telling her exactly what she needed to do. I explained that her son, my brother needed to be rushed to the hospital and was on his way and that she needed to drop everything and leave now! Shocked she did just that and met my brother out front to rush him away. I sat there in my dorm room at 6am with so many emotions and questions that I felt sick. I felt so angry with myself for not being able to be there for my brother and my family! I was so sad that I couldn’t be the one to rush there and take him myself and that I had no idea what was going on! I felt so helpless from the other side of the world. I’m so thankful that I have an amazing family that dropped everything to help & support each other and even save his life. After this incident I moved back to the mainland U.S. and have always tried to be closer. Being in constant touch with your loved ones is very important and the direct reason for my brother still being alive today. Sneaking out at night may seem fun and exciting, but beware! Bad things can happen to you, even if you are surrounded by friends. It could change your life forever. Just ask Grace. When Grace snuck out that night, she didn't think she'd encounter any danger. Unfortunately for Grace, she was wrong. When she finally realized the situation she was in, it was too late. The party seemed innocent enough. It was filled with friends from school, there was music and laughing, and she felt comfortable. It was fun, and it helped her forget about her problems. It wasn't until she went to the bathroom that she was attacked. Her friends couldn't help her. I won't go into the details, but she was lucky to make it back home alive. However, it wasn't the end of her nightmare. She still deals with the consequences of that night seven years later. It's something she'll always regret. There's a reason why your family does not want you sneaking out. You need them to know where you are. You need their support if something bad happens. You need their trust, so you can enjoy a good relationship with each other. The next time someone suggests sneaking out, think hard about your decision. Think of the dangers and consequences you may encounter. Bad things can happen to you. Just ask Grace. |
AuthorSherry Krueger Categories
All
Archives
November 2015
|