Sometimes we fall in love. 
How great it is to feel high and above

A love so sophisticated, complex, unreal, and unique.
No one understands, it's not just us being into each other's physique.

It's more than that, don't ever misconstrue
The love we have is pure and true.

Before, we were friends
Now, we are each other's beginnings and ends

Then, You began to question yourself, you felt insecure and unsure. 
Baby, I wanted to be your cure.

You were everything to me.
I thought it was meant to be. 

Soulmates united. 
But that thought was unrequited.

All that use to be is now gone.
Something happened, you might call it black swan. 

You don't understand, 
This wasn't planned.

We both fell for one another, 
And gave what we could to each other.

You told me I deserve someone better,
But baby i chose you and this is my open letter

Maybe, you're trying to let me off easy.
The thought of that makes me uneasy.

I don't believe it, because I know you were being honest and real. 
That's just the kind of person you are, it's an appeal.

I'm sorry to say, but it's easy to think low of oneself. 
If only you could see the way I see you, you'd be impressed with yourself.

Listen to me when I tell you this, don't settle for less.
Don't even look for a work in progress.

You are a star in the nights sky and are worthy of someone who cares for you as much as you care for them. 
Trust me when I say this, you are the bloom on a rose stem. 

Delicate, and fragile. 
Hear me out, this is substantial.

In case you are unsure,
You are worth more than you give yourself credit for. 

I will always love you, and I will always want more.
That's why I think it's impossible for us to go back to before...

I want to see you succeed, go after your passion and dream. 
I just wish I was part of your team.

I'd cheer you on and never lead you astray,
That's just who I am, I wish we could do this today. 

We will never be the same, 
There is no going back, too much pain.

Maybe, one day we will be able to say hi again, 
I hope that happens, you were my best friend, but until then,

I need to stop holding onto you and get by,

This is my goodbye. 
Goodbye.

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to see all the negative things going on in your life? I get bogged down by all of it and tend to think that something is wrong with me because that's all I am focused on. For example, endless debt. Working three jobs and It still feels like I will never be out of it. Someone tells you they love you and then walks away. Your emotions go all over the place. You are confused, you miss them, and then you become upset. You feel used. It feels like you're not worth it. There is something wrong with you. You mess up at work and people begin to notice... it feels like you can't do anything right lately. Then you begin to compare yourself to others and there is this enormous amount of pressure to look and act a certain way that comes with that. 


Don't do that! Don't forget about how unique and beautiful you are. You are the only you out there and that is what makes you so amazing! Everything tends to stack up and weigh you down when you look at the things going wrong as negative experiences instead of a lesson to grow from. Maybe, if you get your mind off of the negative and start seeing the positive things, (believe me, they are there, you just have to give it a little look 👀) you can begin to enjoy the present and look forward to your tomorrows. 

There are times when you think you are going to be riding into the sunset and your illness is in your rear view mirror. Then your illness hits you.


There are moments in life I have felt invincible from my illness. These past couple years I have been promoted multiple times, I have moved multiple times. I had my up and downs but not extreme. That is a lot of stress I got through. I was thinking, "I am a rock star. Maybe I have out grown my illness. Maybe my tools I have built are working and I'm over it."


Then when I thought I have found a future stepping stone that would be great for my future I took it. I switched jobs, I moved towards more family, my schedule is great,I have been on vacations, my life style was supposed to sky rocket. I had the worst episode I have had in years. I could not find enjoyment when it was right in front of me. I was thinking what is wrong with me? I can see that I am suppose to be happy. I know this is what I wanted. Why Can't I be??

This episode I was in lasted for months and during it I could not figure out how to get out of it.  I felt like all my tools I have built up were useless. All I kept thinking was fight harder, fight harder. Life can be happy and sad on the outside but my illness is on the inside. Even when you think you are invincible then you are reminded even the strongest need help sometimes. It is ok to ask for it. God knows I needed it. I had to redo a lot of my meds, try everything I had to figure out sleep, figure out how to live outside of my battles in my mind. It felt impossible at times and I have been dealing with this for close to 20 years. I cry sometimes knowing I have to deal with this my entire life.

​ Now I am on the back end of my episode and thank God everyday for that. It is so hard when you are doing great to remind yourself of these times when you just can't. I know I can get better with every episode and try my hardest fighting the good fight because I am strong enough to fight through. Even though I might need help and am reminded of that every time. 

At age 30, JK Rowling wanted to commit suicide because she didn't see a way out of her desperate situation. Struggling with depression, she felt hopeless and alone.

A few years later, she penned these words in a "little book" that millions went on to read:

                                            "Happiness can be found even in the darkest times,
                                             if one only remembers to turn on the light."

How thankful we are that JK Rowling found a way to turn on the light.  If you're struggling today, feeling helpless and alone, don't give up.  There is a light in your future, ready to be lit.  Let us help you light it.