Upon receiving her award for Best Breakthrough Performance at the Black Women in Hollywood Luncheon, this lovely 30-year-old woman who speaks four languages talked about her struggle to feel beautiful. And although her battle with self-acceptance had to do with the dark shade of her skin, I knew the theme of her message was still one that was relevant to my daughters.
However, before I showed them the video, I asked them some questions about beauty.
Q: Name some things that are beautiful.
A: Nature, flowers, the color blue
Q: What makes them beautiful?
A: They are pretty. They are nice to look at. They are aesthetically pleasing (a line from the Easter drama they were rehearsing at the time).
Q: What makes a person beautiful?
A: Nice hair and make up. (This comment, from the 11-year-old is exactly what I was afraid of hearing.)
Q: Do you have to look a certain way to be considered beautiful?
A: No. Sleeping Beauty and Snow White are both beautiful and they don’t look the same. (This from the 9-year-old. I’m choosing not to dwell on the fact that she was giving an analogy using Disney Princesses.)
Q: Can someone who isn’t necessarily considered pretty be beautiful?
A: Oh yes, you can be beautiful by the way you act.
Our conversation continued on as my daughters then gave all the textbook answers about what it means to be beautiful on the inside. But I couldn’t help wondering if they really believed what they were saying or if they were regurgitating some of the feel-good moral lessons they’ve been taught because they know it makes adults happy.
What about you? What do you think is beautiful?
Just like my daughters, I’m guessing you might also know the ‘right’ answers. But do you really believe what you say? Do you really believe you are beautiful, not because of the color of your hair or the length of your legs but because you have gifts and talents and treat others well without expecting reciprocation?
It’s hard, isn’t it? The reality of our world is that beauty is typically quantified by appearance only.
Together, we can change that.
Sure, we can support things like the Dove® Campaign for Real Beauty and celebrities who are willing to post un-Photoshopped pictures of themselves, but I think the movement needs to be more organic.
By adjusting our behavior, we can help others realize that beauty is way more than skin deep.
- Let’s leave the house without makeup and not make a big deal about it.
- Let’s not comment so much on outfits or hair or shoes but instead on actions and spirit.
- Let’s find beauty in the unlovely.
- Let’s read less “5 Tips for Flat Abs” and more “5 Steps for Building Character”.
My favorite part of Lupita Nyoung’o’s speech was when she talked about how much her mom influenced her. Her mom taught her that she couldn’t rely on external beauty to sustain her.
Isn’t that a lesson we all need to remember?