​I get it.

It's nice feeling loved. It's wonderful having someone to hang around, so you don't have to be alone.  It feels good saying the word, "Boyfriend." 

He's cute.  
He can be really sweet sometimes.  
He has a lot going on right now....that's why he's treating you that way.  It'll get better.

This is where I sigh because I know it won't get better. I've seen it too many times.  

Let me tell you something, sweet friend:  There's nothing more lonely than being in a bad relationship.  

​How Do I Know If I'm in a bad relationship?

Here are some common "red flags" to notice:

• He isolates you and doesn't want you to hang out with certain people.
• He only wants to be around you on his time.
• He doesn't like to spend time with your family.
• He is emotionally abusive and talks down to you.
• When he does something wrong, he turns it on you.
• He disrespects you in front of his friends.
• He wants to know all of your passwords.
• He makes you wear what he wants you to wear.
• He's always angry at you.
• He hits or physically hurts you.

​But If I Break up With Him, I'll Be Alone

I'm not going to point out how many people you have in your life that will be there for you.

I'm not.

Instead, I'm going to let you know it'll be good for you to be alone, because then you can show yourself a little "self-love."

And you need this, my friend.  You really do.

Taking time for self-love, or self-care, will not only help you gain more confidence, but it will also help you increase your motivation and decrease your stress.  Self-care will lead you to be emotionally stable and make better choices.  You'll learn not to depend on other people to make you feel this way.  

Here's what you can do:

• Choose some wise friends to support you and make you feel confident.
• Join an activity group to find those friends. (After-School Activity, Church Youth Group, Dance or Pilates Class, Sports Team)
• Fight the urge to isolate yourself.  Getting out to do fun things helps bring up your self-esteem.
• Find things that will help you relax and lower your heart rate.

Accepting love at all costs isn't worth it.   It really isn't.  You deserve a better boyfriend, and it's time you believed it.

Life can take unexpected turns.

Parents die.  Relationships fail.  We flunk important tests or don't make the team.

It can be hard when life throws us curveballs. After some of these unexpected curveballs this week, I find myself tired... tired to the depths of my bones from all of the emotions.  They've been bouncing me around like a ping pong ball, jostling me between hope and sadness; courage and humiliation; determination and failure. To be honest, I wish I could go to bed and stay there a month, sleeping and regaining some composure.

But I hear a soft, little voice reminding me that each step of my journey will bring new things:  new opportunities, new decisions, and new challenges. 

"With each step you'll get braver," it says.

"But what if I don't have the courage to take another step?" I reply.   

 And that's where I'm at, thinking and wondering about strategies I can use to get me through the week.  And here's what I've decided:

1. I'll surround myself with friends, friends who can speak wisdom into my life. And I'll listen to them.
2. I'll believe I am worthy and loved no matter what, and I'll remember those words when I'm beginning to feel rejected. When something I do fails.  I'll remind myself that what I DO is not ME.  I am not the failure.
3. I'll get out of my comfort zone and face the challenges,  even though I know I may "blow it."  And if I do make a mistake, I'll pray God will help me learn from it and give me all I need to turn the challenge around.  He's good about things like that.

As I sit here, I wonder:  Do any of you have a good way to deal with the onslaught of challenges?  I'd love to hear about it.