​There will always be people who will only see my failures.

​They will criticize and gossip, making me think:

I'm a failure.  I'm a failure.  I'm a failure.

I wish they could see past my mistakes...past my appearance...past my history, and notice me for who I really am. I wish they would accept me. Is there a way I can get them to see me for who I really am?

Give them acceptance.

Sounds counter-productive doesn't it? Yet, it's so powerful. By speaking words of encouragement and forgiveness over others, we take our eyes off of our hurts and begin to recognize the value of who we are.

We are someone who is kind. 
We are someone who accepts others.
We are someone who loves and encourages. We are the people we wish others would be.

​It is said that we reap what we sow, and it's true.  When we sow validation in others, we ​discover it in ourselves.

True validation comes from within, not from the perspective of people.  

And one of the most beautiful gifts of this validation is the releasing from the disappointment we feel when others don't live up to role we'd like them to play in our lives. 

​''Ever gotten up in the morning and wondered why your life is such a mess?  Why you can't seem to get it together?  Will you ever get it right?

Welcome to the club.  "That's life," people will tell you.  Life is a puzzle. One day it's going well and then all of a sudden... WHAM!! Crisis strikes and you just can't seem to get going again.  You're stuck.

But knowing how life can be doesn't help make it any easier, does it, especially when your life is in pieces?  So what advice do I have?

Use the strategy you use when you're putting together a real puzzle.

When you're putting together a real puzzle and begin to have difficulty, you take a break and focus your attention on another spot of the puzzle that is going well.  After taking a break,  you usually find that when you go back to the original tough spot, you look at things with a fresh perspective and can often find the solution.

What does that look like in real life?

Let's say you're having difficulty with a friend.  You've tried and tried, but can't find a way to heal your relationship.  In fact, the more you try, the worse it gets.  Things with your family and other friends are going pretty good, however.  So, you decide to focus your time on building and enjoying those relationships and ease up on trying to do things with your friend.

Does that mean you give up on your friend forever?  No.  It just means you won't try so hard.  You won't worry about it constantly.  You'll focus on filling your social needs with the relationships that are going well.  After a while, you can go back and think about your friend again.  You'll be in a happier frame of mind, making it easier for you to decide on the best way to restore your friendship.

You don't have anything good going on in your life?

Look again.  No life is totally bad.  There is always something good you can find, and if you have trouble thinking of something, ask someone close to you.  They'll be able to tell you the positives in your life.  There is hope if you look for it.

Let me tell you about two parties I attended.  

The first party was anything but fun. I shopped for hours, worried about what to wear.  I kept trying to guess what they would be wearing.  What will help me blend in?  What will they like? They love to comment on people's style.   I finally found the perfect ensemble, one I thought they'd notice and appreciate.  Yes, I was disappointed when they loved everyone else's outfits, but never noticed mine.  Still, I felt good, so I let it slide.

I smiled and tried to join in their conversations, asking questions and making small talk.  They'd answer quickly and turn back to each other, making me feel like an outsider.  The minutes ticked by like hours, as I sat politely, watching these people I'd known for years ignore me.  It was such a relief to finally leave, not having to rack my brain about what I could do to get them to accept me.

Several weeks later, I attended another party.  I was nervous about going, the feelings from the last gathering weighing heavy on my heart.  I was greeted with smiles and warm hugs.  They asked me to sit at their table, and we talked.  When they noticed I was quiet, they'd ask me questions so I could join in.  Their comments were warm and accepting.

As they talked, I looked around the table, amazed at the acceptance they'd given me.  I barely knew them, yet they made me feel like I'd been a part of their group forever.  It felt good.  It felt comfortable.  We laughed and chatted for hours, none of us wanting to leave. It was wonderful.  

I learned something very important that day.

Belonging is much better than fitting in.

For years, I had wanted to fit in with a group of people, trying to be something I wasn't so they'd accept me. I dressed differently, kept my opinions to myself, and sat quietly while they treated me indifferently.  

Then I found a group of people where I could be myself and they appreciated it.  I belonged, and it felt good.

It made me wonder why I spent so much time trying to fit in with that other group.  It wasn't worth the time and worry I gave it, especially when there are people out there who make me love and appreciate who I am.

I'm a happy-go-lucky, hard-working, fixer-upper, encouraging, church-loving girl who loves creating, cooking, and giving.  I'm not perfect, but I'm beginning to love the way God made me. 

What about you?  What's one thing that makes you uniquely you?  Have you found a group where you belong?

It's important for people to understand that depression is an illness, not a weakness.  Many people believe depression is just something someone can "get over" on their own. This belief causes them to be less empathetic towards those who are diagnosed with depression, as shown in this article by Kirsten King and Haejin Park from BuzzFeed. (Posted on September 30, 2015)