New Year's Eve is right around the corner.  It's time for new beginnings, countdowns, and midnight kisses. People will make resolutions they're not sure they can keep. Lonely ones will wish for someone special to help them share the new year.

Are you one of those lonely ones, friend?  

Do you fear being alone forever? Are you worried something is wrong with you because you're single? If this is you, I have something to tell you.  Life rarely turns out as bad as we think it will. Now before you throw your hands in the air and tell me I'm not helping you feel less lonely, hear me out. 

Maybe It's What You're Focusing On

Our brains work in mysterious ways, and I'm here to tell you that  whatever we focus on is what we tend to see. 

Have you ever bought a car you’ve never noticed before and suddenly you see cars like yours everywhere? You noticed those cars because you programmed your eyes to look for them. The truth is whatever you think about, either positive or negative, is what you will see in your life. The more you focus on how you don't have a girlfriend or boyfriend, the more you will notice people who have girlfriends and boyfriends and the more powerful your feelings of loneliness will become. 

Train Your Eyes

You probably have more love in your life than you realize.  Train your eyes to notice it.  Tell yourself that you are going to notice every situation where someone spends time with you. I bet you find you are not as alone as you think.  Dog comes up and snuggles you in the morning... You are loved.  Your sister gives you a hug and asks how you're doing.....You are loved. You hang out with your friends at Pizza Hut....You are loved.  The more you focus on looking for love in your life, the more love you will see.

Eventually You Will Find What You Are Looking For

Once you've trained your eyes and shifted your focus, your thoughts and emotions will shift, also.  You'll feel happier and more content. You won't be worrying so much about what you don't have, because you'll be focused on enjoying the relationships you already possess.  

People are attracted to relaxed happy people,  so before long someone will most likely reach out to you.  And if you are focused, you just might find what you have been looking for. 

Nothing feels better than the peace that comes after you've been forgiven. It's a warm, comforting feeling that  soothes your hurting and touches your soul deep into those lonely places. 

It's not an easy thing to get.

It's not an easy thing to give.

But it's something so powerful it can change the lives of the giver and receiver forever.

I know  a girl.  She was a typical high school girl full of hopes and dreams, but she found herself pregnant. It was hard for her, because it not only changed the dreams she had for her life, but it also brought her shame.  People were disappointed in her...teachers, family members, friends.  They made her feel like an embarrassment.  Some even stopped talking nicely to her, finding it hard to forgive her for her mistake.

She felt so guilty, and she resented the way they were treating her.  She was filled with pain.

Her family was filled with pain, also.  They were saddened that she found herself in a hard situation. They were also upset, because they had given the girl advise and tools to avoid situations like this one, but she hadn't listened.  People were asking them why they hadn't taught their daughter better.  They were made to feel like bad parents.

They felt so guilty, and they hated the situation their daughter had brought upon them.

Then one day the mother looked at her daughter and saw herself as a girl, young and naive, wanting only to be loved.  The mom decided to forgive her daughter.  She pulled her close and whispered she loved her. She explained that all people make mistakes, but those mistakes don't define who we are.  She told her daughter she wasn't angry, and watched as relief flooded her daughter's face.

Forgiveness didn't solve all of their problems, but it did make things better.  It pulled the family together and made it possible for them to get through the tough times.  It made things less painful.

I don't know the situation you find yourself in this morning, friend.  I do know if there is pain involved, then there is probably some forgiveness needed somewhere: either in the receiving or the giving.  Maybe you just need to forgive yourself.  

As a teacher and parent, I grieve with the families and students affected by the shooting in Sandy Hook Elementary School. Every life taken will be missed, and the lives of their families and friends will be forever changed. My heart breaks just thinking about it.

 This senseless tragedy is a painful reminder of the preciousness of life.  As I enter my school in the coming weeks, these are the thoughts that will be running through my mind:

1. Life is short, so take advantage of every moment.  Lives can be taken away in a single second, so cherish the time spent with friends and family. Take time to appreciate the people in your life and be grateful for what you have. Hug more. Laugh more.  Listen more.

2. Small acts of kindness can make the world a better place. Mother Teresa told us to do small things with huge amounts of love.  Kids are alive today because someone took the time to pull them out of harm's way. A flip of the intercom helped warn others. Hugs helped people survive a stressful morning.  Little things can make a huge difference.  What little act of kindness can we do today?

3. Behind every life, there is some kind of pain.   Sometimes you can't tell a person is in pain by looking at their lives.  People are good at putting on masks and hiding their problems from others.  Remember this when someone frustrates you. We all have pain in our lives, either past or present, so treat everyone you meet with kindness.  Reach out to those you notice alone, and find help for those who are struggling with their circumstances.

 4.  We have free choice, so choose wisely. If we want a peaceful world, then we need to react to our circumstances in ways that promote peace, understanding, and forgiveness. That's not easy to do, especially when we're angry, so it's wise not to make big decisions during those times.  Take time to slow down and think things through.  No matter what happens, you control your reaction to it.  

For some people, Santa's "Ho, ho, ho," is replaced with their "No, no, no!"   For them, the holidays can be a time of sadness. Longing. Tears. Friends and family are left wondering what they can do to bring their loved one peace.

 If you have a friend or family member that hasn't smiled in months and is in serious need of cheering up, here are a few gift ideas for lifting their heavy hearts.

1. Run some errands for them.
When people are depressed, the last thing they feel like doing is running errands.  Throw in large crowds this time of year, and it becomes even more unbearable. Why not go over to your friend's house, get their list of errands needing to be done, and take care of it for them? Return their library books or Redbox movies.  Drop off a payment or a letter.  Pick up the poster board that's needed for their big project.  Help them clean their room so tensions will ease with their mom. Anything that will relieve some of their stress will help.

2. Take them for a ride.
People who are down need an escape from their dark thoughts, and a good way to provide that escape is to get them out of the house.  Pack up your car with your friend's favorite foods and snacks.  Show up unannounced and tell your friend that you are there to take them on a little escape.  They don't even have change into clothes; they can just come as they are.  Take a drive through the countryside or other peaceful place. Ask if they want to go to their favorite hang out.  Whatever you do, just spend time with your friend and let them know you care about them.

3. Make them a special CD.
I had a friend make me a CD one time with special songs he had picked just for me.  In-between the songs, he had recorded special messages, as if he were the D.J. explaining the meaning of the each song.  It was fun listening to some of the silly things he did.  Even now, when I hear  the songs on the radio, I remember his gift and smile.  With iTunes and computers, it is easy to pull something special together for your friend.  Choose your favorite uplifting songs, hunt down some good jokes, and have fun. 

4. Prepare a care package.
There's nothing like finding a surprise care package on your doorstep.  It feels so nice knowing that someone out there is thinking of you.  Care packages can be as elaborate or as simple as you wish.  Fill up a box with silly things that bring a smile or things that you know are your friend's favorites.  You don't even have to put your name on it.  Let them try to figure out who sent it to them. When your friend tries to figure out who sent it, he will have to go through a list of people who care about him.  That's a good exercise in itself.

5. Start an encouragement brigade.
Don't you love all the encouraging responses you get from friends when you post something sad on Facebook?  When you are depressed, you need to hear over and over again how people care about you before you believe it.  To help your friend through a tough time, gather some other people to help you bombard the friend with encouragement.  Write letters, send texts, send messages on Facebook, place notes in his locker... Work together to fill your friend's world with encouragement. Any small gesture means a lot to someone who doesn't feel like they have much to live for.

Picture this.  You are in the cafeteria chillin  with your friends, and some people walk over and start trash talking you. They're throwing insults so fast you can't catch your breath, but your friends stay silent. Or even worse...they laugh.
What should you do?

Stand Up For Yourself

First you need to realize if no one speaks up, the abuse will continue.  You may need to reach down inside yourself and find the courage to get them to stop. Let them know you don't like it when they speak that way. Or diffuse the situation by agreeing with them and laughing about it. Don't be afraid.

Talk to Your Friends About How You Feel

It's normal to feel hurt and betrayed by your friends in this situation. Everyone has a right to be treated with respect. Please tell your friends that they must have courage to say something to the other kids.  It's important for everyone to speak up against injustice.  There is way too much teasing and bullying going on in our world today, and it will never change if we do nothing about it. 

You also need to explain to your friends how hurt you are when they don't stick up for you.  Ask them the reason behind their silence.  If they're afraid to say something, work together to come up with a plan for the next time it happens.

Find People Who Will Support You