Did you know that distraction is a great way to calm yourself in order to deal with stress?  Whenever I feel overwhelming stress, one of the first things I do is take a break and distract myself.  Usually this means putting in my earbuds and going for a walk.  

The music changes my mood, and the exercise relieves the tension from my body.  By the time I finish, my mind is able to refocus and I feel more capable of dealing with whatever the issue was that stressed me out. 

If you're feeling stressed, try to unwind for a while and see if it helps.  Take a break and do something you like (jogging, sketching, shooting baskets).  Turn on some great music - music that gives you hope and pumps you up, and then give your body time to calm down. Teens Finding Hope has added a station to Spotify if you are looking for some tunes.  (See Link Below.)  

Once you feel thoroughly distracted and refreshed, go back and see how you deal with things. You should find that calming yourself increases your ability to think and cope. If you're still felling stressed, then maybe it's time to reach out for advice. Remember, it's a sign of weakness to reach for help when facing large problems.  It's a sign of being resilient.  

Stay strong, friends.  Here is the link to our Spotify playlist, for those of you who have an account:

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Experts tell us that If we get to know one another we will find we have more in common than we think. So the story I’m telling myself right now is that you struggle with self-esteem as much as I do, and that by putting me down you somehow find the validation you’re lacking. I guess subconsciously you believe that if you can get others to focus on me, they won’t notice the weaknesses in you.However, we both know this isn’t true because people are experts at finding weaknesses in one another,

Since we all have weaknesses and struggle with self-doubt (a very human condition,) I’m deciding to forgive you. Yes, I forgive you for the comments over my appearance; the eye rolls over my opinions; the snickers at my errors, and the half-truths you’ve spread. Obviously, you must be hurting terribly in order to do such hateful things to another.

And don’t worry. You won’t see me repeating these things for revenge. I know what it feels like to receive such treatment, and I don’t think it’s right to treat others this way.

I am not going to lecture you either. Heaven knows I have just as many issues as you do that need to be dealt with. Instead, I am choosing to distance myself from you, but not before I give you a piece of advice: Rise up and know your worth.

You’re worth is not determined by the opinion of others – nor by the position you have on the scale of beauty, talent, popularity and wealth. My worth isn’t determined by these scales either. You see, our worth comes from being human and having a unique take on the world. No one has our same story or insight- same set of talents and perspectives. We are uniquely us. I think we will all be happier when we start to realize the value of ourselves and others.

When my sister was critically injured in a high speed car accident, I didn't think things could get any worse.  I held her hand in the ICU on our first Father's Day without our dad, and I thanked God for saving her life.  I wasn't prepared for old family wounds to resurface and inflict their pain...but resurface they did.

I won't go into detail, but I will tell you what I've learned from watching my family and others.  Families tend to orbit around one another.  Sometimes they take turns orbiting around each member.  Sometimes they just orbit around one family member.

Families that orbit around one family member tend to orbit around their "favored" member or their "problem" member. In each instance, they can be so focused on the one who's pulled them in, they are unaware of what's happening with the others outside of their immediate concern.

If you feel as if you are standing outside of your family's circle, my heart goes out to you. Please realize you are just as worthy of their attention and love as the family member they are focused on, but they may not be able to show it to you.  Let go of that expectation.  The gravitational pull of the situation may be too strong to expect a break in family patterns.  Family attention and approval does not make you more worthy.  You are worthy from being the person God created you to be.

Be that person.  Forgive your family for their humanness and set boundaries if you need to do so.  Then go live.  Love on others the best way you can and forgive yourself if you get pulled into an orbit of your own.  Life is too fragile and short to hold grudges against others and ourselves.    Go do.  Go be.  ​Go live.

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We are so thankful for the agencies who join hands with us in our journey to help you. 

​Topcounselingschools.org shared the following graphic, which you may find insightful. As you go about your week, please take care of yourself.

Dear Teens Finding Hope,
 
Why do I hate my dad? Well, there are many reasons why I hate him. I'm just not sure where to start. I hate his short temper, how he always bursts out of nowhere and starts yelling at me. I hate the way he talks, as if he has gone through everything, as if he knows everything, as if no one else has ever faced anything like he’s had to go through. He's wrong. He knows nothing. There are billions of people out there who have faced hardships in their life, they learned millions of things, and probably also came across things that my dad learned and has kept as good experience and knowledge for himself. However, what they learned and he did not is how to use words to solve problems. What distinguishes my dad from other successful people? Well, it's that tendency to use violence to solve every problem.

The memories of my dad yelling at me, hitting me, swearing and screaming at my face when I was younger, are still very vivid in my mind. There are probably so many more other things, but that's all I know, or at least remember about the past that is starting to reappear in my present. I guess that's just the way he is: hot temper, arrogant, violent person. That is my dad, and he will probably never change.

I go backward from other people who learned that money is important, but then later on realized that it's not as important as they've always thought. But for me, I thought money wasn't important. I thought money couldn’t buy you everything. I realize now that money is important, and it is the only way that can buy me a ticket out of this oppressive, restricted world where the only way I was taught to solve a problem is violence. 
 
Anonymous
 
 
Dear Anonymous,
 
It’s hard seeing other families being loving and supporting to one another, while yours is not. It doesn’t seem fair.  And you know what?  It isn’t fair, and it’s okay to have strong feelings about it.  It’s okay to hurt.  Wounds from family members take a long time to heal, but the good news is….
 
Wounds heal.
 
It’s funny you wrote this letter now, because I’ve been reading a book about this very thing.  It’s called, Life’s Healing Choices, and it has eight steps to help you overcome hurts from the past. And you know what?  It’s working.
 
Let me share with you something I’ve learned from my own experience:

• You can’t take personally your father’s mistakes.
•  You can’t control him. 
• You can’t fix him, and you can’t change the past.

But you can forgive.

Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting about what happened and letting your dad “off- of-the-hook” for his actions.  It means letting go, so when you think of the past, it doesn’t hurt you anymore.  It means letting go, so you can move forward. It means not holding onto that experience anymore, allowing the emotions of it whip you around and strangle the joy out of you.

It’s not easy to forgive. It’s painful work, and I found it helpful to get a friend to go through the steps with me. She helped me pray through the process, and provides support whenever I feel vulnerable.  I’m smiling right now, because I know how good it feels to finally let it go and not have those horrible memories going through my mind.  You can have this freedom, too. You can.

You can also set boundaries.

 Not to punish, but to work toward a healthy relationship with your father. And if you have to, love him from a distance in order to keep yourself emotionally safe.  Depending on family customs in your country, this may or may not be an easy thing to do.  If you can’t get physical distance from your father, perhaps you can find a safe place in your home to use as a refuge for when you need to get away from his violence.

It sounds like you love your dad and wish for a relationship that’s filled with respect, love and support.  If he didn’t change and you did, would that be enough to make this loving relationship happen?  I don’t know.  But I do know this:  It would make you feel better.
And I want you to feel better.  I want the pain to melt away from you so you can enjoy your future. 

I'm hoping you find a way to work through this hurt and emerge on the other side.  Find a book, a class or a friend to help you.  You won't regret it.

Blessings,

​Sherry