So the pain and pressure began to build, and you ran. You ran to the one pain you could control...cutting.
It helped provide a little relief from your terrible feelings. It helped to ease the stress for a little while.
Now you feel like you can't stop and it's embarrassing, even scary.
As if you needed any more problems to think about!
People don't usually intend to keep cutting once they start, but it happens. The brain gets tricked into believing the false sense of relief, so the next time it feels pain, the brain craves this same deliverance. Cutting suddenly becomes an addiction that seems impossible to stop. And the worst thing is: the relief it provides doesn't last. The problems that triggered the cutting remain — you can't outrun them. Plus, when you self-injure, you are at risk for infections, scarring, and shock . You can die from an extreme injury or bad cuts that don't get treated right away.
So how do you stop?
The first thing you do is become aware of which situations trigger your urge to cut.
Is it triggered after a disagreement with a friend or a family member?
...when a large project is due at school?
...after you've lost a game?
...when there's pressure at work?
After you know your triggers, make a plan for what to do instead of cutting when you feel the urge.
Put a rubber band around your wrist and snap it.
Rub an ice cube on your skin in place of cutting
Draw a mark on your skin with red pen in the place you usually cut.
Squeeze a stress ball.
Rip something up.
Exercise
Scribble on paper with red ink
Drip red paint over paper
Illustrate your pain
Use poetry to express what you're feeling
Listen to music that talks about how you feel
Ask a friend for help
You may not be able to control the things in life that cause you pain, but there is nothing wrong in asking for help. The right person can enable you to find your inner strength.
So you can cope with your problems in a healthy way,
and stop cutting,
and begin to solve those problems instead of trying to outrun them.
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It's so tempting to run away.
In the middle of the mess, we long to run away and land in a place where we can find peace. If only life was like that! Unfortunately, our problems create a snag in that dream. They create a snag in our confidence, our emotions, and our thinking. Even if we leave all of our problems behind, we carry those snags with us. Eventually, something in our new environment will catch those snags and everything will start unraveling again. It's impossible to leave problems behind. The damage they cause will always be with us. Unless we fix it. Unless we repair the snags to our hearts, minds, and souls. But how do we do that? The first thing we need to do is stop running. Stop running and look at our problem to see what damage's been done, so we can fix it. Sometimes it's hard for us to look, because it's embarrassing, or the damage is so deep we can't readily see it. Then we need someone else to help us. We have to find the courage to do what we need to do, even when the impulse is to RUN! It's the only way to get rid of the pain and find lasting peace. Have there been instances in your life where you've felt like running away? How did you find the courage to stay and fight the battles? What is voice? What are words? I can say words to you, but they can pass right through your ears. Why? I can say words with no voice. If I was to give you voice, my opinion, my emotion, my energy, and part of my heart, that wouldn’t pass right through your or my ears. The words would sink into your mind and heart. Why? The words that came out had meaning and touched part of you. I have not words alone, but words with my own individual voice. All my words are a story. You may think you know, but do you really? My name is the key to who I am, inside and out. A whole story, just from a name, a simple word, yet powerful, “shout”. To you I may matter or maybe not. You may hear my words, but why do they matter? I see you’re looking “at” me, but are you just looking, or are my words sinking in? If my voice matters, it will sink, you will feel things like emotions and that means somehow you and I made a connection. Why is my voice important? Why does it matter? I impact the world with my voice, the things that I do say or could’ve said. What about those who can’t voice their opinions? What if your life was in danger and you couldn’t scream? I saved a girl with my voice. I have saved more than just one person. Voice leaves an impact on others and your life. Have you heard, “Tell a teacher or an adult that you trust?" Do kids actuatlly do that? Not really, unless they’re smart and taught that way. I tell you, some people are sick. This very story is kind of sick. When I was 6, just a small girl, I saved my friend with nothing but my voice. She was being abused by her brother; he was sick, she didn’t tell an adult, but only told me. She said she couldn’t tell her mother. Her brother told her that if she did, her mom would kick her out on the street. We were only 6, being all alone with nowhere to go was super scary. I used my voice to help her. To let her know she matters and what her brother was doing was definitely not alright. I told my mom and she talked with my friends mom. My friend’s mom wasn’t even mad! In fact, she thanked us. Years after this my mom still reminds me that voice matters. I can’t say that I have saved someone from themselves because that is truly hard to do alone. Believe me, I have tried. I have saved someone from self-inflicted pain. She would look into the mirror and only see the crack. The bad things she believed about herself and never good. My words, my voice, helped her. I can’t save her from her feelings, but I can help. It took two words, repeated for a long period of time. . . “You’re beautiful.” Words matter, voice matters, I matter and so do you. It takes a lot for others to get it, and some may not. But I bet each and every one of you have saved someone with the inspiration of the words you spoke. Whether you know it or not. This is why my voice matters and yours and everyone else’s. Love your voice!! There once was a young girl who intentionally hurt herself. Scarring her wrists and hips with barely visible scars….her own form of tattoos. Those do make her sad. The white slits are a constant reminder of the time in her life where she felt most down, most vulnerable, and most broken. This young girl decided one day that it was time to take over the scars themselves and tattoo her own white ink over top of the ones she felt powerless to stop. She tattooed “to live” and “love” overtop of the reminders that haunted her thoughts. Now looking at her wrists, she is reminded that the story can be re-written. The skin can be filled with beautiful pictures that bring joy and not incredible pain. The images that were chosen contain words that help define the strength she knows is within. I am that young girl that chose to get the tattoos. A dear family friend chose to write a previous blog about her own daughter’s choices and I wanted to respond with another view. While I completely respect her opinion and choice, I view the colorful pieces of myself differently. I view the tattoos as stories, unique stories, to the person that wears them proudly. I did tattoo my arms with positive words. Ones that remind me that I am more than my past and more than my addictions…. I am loved. I’m proud of the hardship that I have endured. The tattoos offer a starting ground for conversations in which I’ve found other’s who have shared similar heartbreaking and emotional stories. The tattoos for them were a sign of resilience, hope, and amazing strength. An outward sign that yes, they made it through as well.My first tattoo offers me comfort and guidance as I hope it does for you as well: John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” By Lissy Her words dripped with pain, sorrow, and insecurity. Tears streamed down my face. Did she just say what I think? I never thought it was that bad. All these thoughts are swirling through my head as she quietly said those words through the phone. “I look in the mirror at my reflection, all I see is this beyond hideous girl staring back; she’s so ugly that she needs to be punished to even live on this earth. I then realized it was me.” My best friend, had lost her sight. All she saw was the crack in her reflection and couldn’t see pass it. Hope is her name and hope is what she now holds as she sees that she is a beautiful young woman. All everyone does, parents, friends, teachers, is push problems away not matter if it is our own problems or those of others. That’s what I had done to Hope. I just thought that my BESTEST friend was over reacting and wanting attention. I didn’t think she was destroyed on the inside and trying to call for help. I didn’t understand how she felt. I have always known that I am beautiful, never called myself ugly. Realizing her dilemma opened my eyes. I felt horrible, not caring, not asking, not trying, not understanding she was hurting so much. We cried that night together on the phone. It made us closer to each other. I told her I was here for her whenever she needed me, day or night. If she was feeling down and about to cut, call me. I told her every morning and every night I wanted her to look in the mirror and tell herself that she is in fact BEAUTIFUL and no one can take that away from her. I noticed that Hope started cheering up in the next few days, being more of the Hope I knew her to be. She said she was starting to realize that she was beautiful. She became more confident and healthier. She quit cutting and began to spend more time with others. It was getting so much better that her scars were even starting to melt away. I even started seeing her in short sleeve shirts with no bracelets covering her hurt. I told my mom after all this and she was sad and wanted to hear what was going on. I agreed with her it but was dealing with Hope and felt too busy to discuss it with my mom. My mom wanted to tell Hope’s parents, but I felt it wasn’t the right time. Hope seemed to be doing better and I didn’t think there was a reason to tell her mom. I would just make things worse and break her mom’s heart. I didn’t think it would make Hope happy. She might start feeling insecure again and then never tell me anything again. I was worried though, that I might be wrong. I couldn’t take it anymore, I called Hope. I asked Hope what we should do. I gave her two options; she could tell her mom all by herself, it would show how strong she is, or we could go to the mall for a girls’ day (Hope, me, my mom, Hope’s mom) and discuss it together, then she wouldn’t have to do it alone. She took the second choice. Hope was doing a lot better. She was feeling better about herself and finding out who she was suppose to be in life. Then the tragedy happened. 1-2-13. The date I heard the news of what happened that very day. Her parents were getting a divorce. That day, just like months before, we cried together on the phone. It was so heartbreaking for her. She was upset, sad, mad, and terrified. It was all happening so quickly and she didn’t know what to expect and neither did I. It all seemed to happen out of the blue. Like before, I stood by her side and was beyond proud of her when she told me she hadn’t hurt herself since that first night with me on the phone. She explained that she was broken hearted about what happened but just learned to stay in her room and not let the numbness consume her. She said she rather feel the pain and sadness than nothing. We were about to tell her mom about the cutting, but everything changed again. Hope didn’t want to put something else on her mom’s plat. It was already overflowing. We have been waiting ever since to get the courage to tell her mom, but Hope is still alive and well. Happy and beautiful. Smiling and laughing each day through. Everything turned out okay! Then it came to me like a disease. I looked at my reflection and I could see was the crack. . . Ever notice how much easier it is to feel anger than pain? That's why it's so easy to get defensive when someone is trying to break through our walls. If we keep people at arm's length, they won't see what we're really dealing with inside. Plus, anger can help shift our attention away from the hurt we are hiding. The problem is, handling our pain in this way won't work for us. The pain will remain deep, and it'll continue to tear us up inside. If we really want to stop hurting, we have to let go of the pain and stop hiding it. Think of pain as a big bag of rocks. Hold that bag of rocks with an outstretched arm, and soon your arm with grow tired and painful. Keep holding on, and the pain in your arm will become excruciating. But set the bag down, and a great sense of relief will wash over you and the pain in your arm will be gone. There's always relief when the pain is gone. Don't keep carrying around your pain and snapping at people because you're tired of it. Let it go. Bring it out in the open and let someone show you how to get rid of it. Sometimes you need extra hands to help you lift it out of the dark places you stuffed it. Aren't you tired of carrying that baggage around? Wouldn't you like something lighter to carry? Wouldn't today be a great day for relief? Get rid of it, friend. It'll be painful at first, but it's so worth it. Take your first step. We'll be here for you. "Every day's a bad day for me." That's what he told me as the tears started to flow. I had asked if something was going on, because I noticed a change in his grades, his behavior, his interactions. He didn't want to tell me, but the words flowed anyway. He told me about his dad, who has issues, even though he has been released from jail. He told me about his mom who works hard to support the family and never seems to be around. Then he told me about his older brother, who abuses him while his parents are busy. The tears really flowed. "Every day is a bad day for me." My friend is struggling with so many issues and emotions on a daily basis, he's doesn't know if he can make it. How do you handle such heavy issues when you're young? His pain is so deep, he doesn't know how to get rid of it. How do you get rid of stinging betrayal caused by people who are supposed to love you? His guilt is so heavy, he can barely carry it. How do you tell your family about these issues, when you feel so guilty adding stress to their lives? Will they even understand? Why isn't your life flowing like everyone else's? Is something wrong with you? Is there any hope? The first step toward hope is opening up and telling someone. My friend finally stopped hiding and admitted to someone he has issues. Now we can brainstorm and start dealing with them together. I wish I could tell him there's an easy answer out there, but there's not. It's going to take some time and some work before changes begin to happen, but we're headed in the right direction now. Please don't hide like my friend. Don't push your issues down inside and try to blot them out with alcohol, drugs, laxatives, or razors. Tell someone. Take a step toward getting rid of them forever. Every day doesn't have to be a bad one. Sometimes saying you're okay is much easier than telling someone what you're going through. But it's not healthier. Bottled up feelings can lead you to do some desperate things, like hurting yourself. Hurting yourself may provide some temporary relief from those intense feelings, but it doesn't solve problems. In fact, it can be hard to stop, and it can lead to complications that are life-threatening. If you are hurting yourself, PLEASE SEEK HELP. You don't have to feel this way. Start by talking to someone you trust. Talking about it is important because they can provide you with the support you need for coping. Talking also helps you feel better by getting those feelings off of your chest. You can talk with an adult in your life, or you can talk with someone at one of the hotline numbers below. 877-332-7333 Teen Hotline 800-273-TALK (8255) It also helps to distract yourself when you start to feel overwhelmed. The next time you feel the urge to hurt yourself, don't give in right away. Instead, spend some time doing other things until the urge passes. •Exercise intensely : run, climb stairs, do push-ups •Play a challenging video game •Cuddle with a pet •Draw or paint a picture that expresses your feeling •Punch a pillow Remember you are not alone. Self-injury does not mean there is something wrong with you or that you are crazy. It just means you are struggling with your feelings and need some support. There are many kids, just like you, who have overcome this problem by reaching out. Find your voice and reach out now. You deserve to be healthy and happy. |
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