Kermit the Frog once said, "Maybe you don't need the whole world to love you, you know? Maybe you just need one person."
Those words are especially true for people with Bipolar Disorder. You'd be amazed by the hurtful things that are said to kids who struggle with this illness.
There's nothing wrong with you.
Just snap out of it! Everyone has ups and downs.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
It's all those meds you're on.
Even worse is the fact that many of these hurtful comments come from family members and friends. It's hard enough to struggle with a chronic illness, but it's even harder when no one seems to understand, not even your family.
Science has shown that Bipolar is a very real illness like diabetes and heart disease. Like these two diseases, it's an illness that's not readily visible because it affects the chemistry of the brain. And like these two diseases, the right medication can help control the symptoms.
According to studies, people with Bipolar Disorder do much better when they are in supportive environments. Some of the best ways to show this support is through our words.
How can I help?
It's okay. We can get through this together.
I might not understand, but I support you.
There are so many things that I love about you....
The next time you're with your Bipolar teen, think about their illness. Realize their illness often causes them to feel hopeless and alone. Find a way to reassure them and give them your support. They're longing for just one person who understands
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Hard. It's not a word you'd expect to use when describing holiday get-togethers, but that's how it is for people with depression. While the rest of us are busy planning joyous occasions, our family member is just trying to survive the struggles of their illness. With our expectations for loved ones being so high at these times, we can forget how important it is to support each other. We can forget how our loved one is struggling to survive daily life. And as soon as we forget these things, it’s much easier for thoughts of judgement to creep in. We question why they don't want to participate, or why they separate themselves from the rest of the family. We grumble when they don't get as excited as we think they should. We get upset when they don't respond well to our lectures of advice. And we forget just how hard these times are for our ill loved one. So, I was wondering if we might all make a little promise today. A promise to support one another and not judge each other. Ever. Even when we act differently. Even when we are so depressed we don't handle family gatherings well. Would you give us the benefit of the doubt? Can you just assume it’s a bad time for us, and it isn’t an indication of how we feel about you? And then we'll give you the benefit of the doubt when you go through a hard time. Instead of judging you, we will love you. We will let you know we are there for you. And maybe you can do the same for us. New Year's Eve is right around the corner. It's time for new beginnings, countdowns, and midnight kisses. People will make resolutions they're not sure they can keep. Lonely ones will wish for someone special to help them share the new year. Are you one of those lonely ones, friend? Do you fear being alone forever? Are you worried something is wrong with you because you're single? If this is you, I have something to tell you. Life rarely turns out as bad as we think it will. Now before you throw your hands in the air and tell me I'm not helping you feel less lonely, hear me out. Maybe It's What You're Focusing On Our brains work in mysterious ways, and I'm here to tell you that whatever we focus on is what we tend to see. Have you ever bought a car you’ve never noticed before and suddenly you see cars like yours everywhere? You noticed those cars because you programmed your eyes to look for them. The truth is whatever you think about, either positive or negative, is what you will see in your life. The more you focus on how you don't have a girlfriend or boyfriend, the more you will notice people who have girlfriends and boyfriends and the more powerful your feelings of loneliness will become. Train Your Eyes You probably have more love in your life than you realize. Train your eyes to notice it. Tell yourself that you are going to notice every situation where someone spends time with you. I bet you find you are not as alone as you think. Dog comes up and snuggles you in the morning... You are loved. Your sister gives you a hug and asks how you're doing.....You are loved. You hang out with your friends at Pizza Hut....You are loved. The more you focus on looking for love in your life, the more love you will see. Eventually You Will Find What You Are Looking For Once you've trained your eyes and shifted your focus, your thoughts and emotions will shift, also. You'll feel happier and more content. You won't be worrying so much about what you don't have, because you'll be focused on enjoying the relationships you already possess. People are attracted to relaxed happy people, so before long someone will most likely reach out to you. And if you are focused, you just might find what you have been looking for. Nothing feels better than the peace that comes after you've been forgiven. It's a warm, comforting feeling that soothes your hurting and touches your soul deep into those lonely places. It's not an easy thing to get. It's not an easy thing to give. But it's something so powerful it can change the lives of the giver and receiver forever. I know a girl. She was a typical high school girl full of hopes and dreams, but she found herself pregnant. It was hard for her, because it not only changed the dreams she had for her life, but it also brought her shame. People were disappointed in her...teachers, family members, friends. They made her feel like an embarrassment. Some even stopped talking nicely to her, finding it hard to forgive her for her mistake. She felt so guilty, and she resented the way they were treating her. She was filled with pain. Her family was filled with pain, also. They were saddened that she found herself in a hard situation. They were also upset, because they had given the girl advise and tools to avoid situations like this one, but she hadn't listened. People were asking them why they hadn't taught their daughter better. They were made to feel like bad parents. They felt so guilty, and they hated the situation their daughter had brought upon them. Then one day the mother looked at her daughter and saw herself as a girl, young and naive, wanting only to be loved. The mom decided to forgive her daughter. She pulled her close and whispered she loved her. She explained that all people make mistakes, but those mistakes don't define who we are. She told her daughter she wasn't angry, and watched as relief flooded her daughter's face. Forgiveness didn't solve all of their problems, but it did make things better. It pulled the family together and made it possible for them to get through the tough times. It made things less painful. I don't know the situation you find yourself in this morning, friend. I do know if there is pain involved, then there is probably some forgiveness needed somewhere: either in the receiving or the giving. Maybe you just need to forgive yourself. During this holiday season of giving, I hope you find yourself opening the gift of forgiveness. I hope you find yourself in a place of renewed relationships, and I hope peace is with you, my friend. For some people, Santa's "Ho, ho, ho," is replaced with their "No, no, no!" For them, the holidays can be a time of sadness. Longing. Tears. Friends and family are left wondering what they can do to bring their loved one peace. If you have a friend or family member that hasn't smiled in months and is in serious need of cheering up, here are a few gift ideas for lifting their heavy hearts. 1. Run some errands for them. When people are depressed, the last thing they feel like doing is running errands. Throw in large crowds this time of year, and it becomes even more unbearable. Why not go over to your friend's house, get their list of errands needing to be done, and take care of it for them? Return their library books or Redbox movies. Drop off a payment or a letter. Pick up the poster board that's needed for their big project. Help them clean their room so tensions will ease with their mom. Anything that will relieve some of their stress will help. 2. Take them for a ride. People who are down need an escape from their dark thoughts, and a good way to provide that escape is to get them out of the house. Pack up your car with your friend's favorite foods and snacks. Show up unannounced and tell your friend that you are there to take them on a little escape. They don't even have change into clothes; they can just come as they are. Take a drive through the countryside or other peaceful place. Ask if they want to go to their favorite hang out. Whatever you do, just spend time with your friend and let them know you care about them. 3. Make them a special CD. I had a friend make me a CD one time with special songs he had picked just for me. In-between the songs, he had recorded special messages, as if he were the D.J. explaining the meaning of the each song. It was fun listening to some of the silly things he did. Even now, when I hear the songs on the radio, I remember his gift and smile. With iTunes and computers, it is easy to pull something special together for your friend. Choose your favorite uplifting songs, hunt down some good jokes, and have fun. 4. Prepare a care package. There's nothing like finding a surprise care package on your doorstep. It feels so nice knowing that someone out there is thinking of you. Care packages can be as elaborate or as simple as you wish. Fill up a box with silly things that bring a smile or things that you know are your friend's favorites. You don't even have to put your name on it. Let them try to figure out who sent it to them. When your friend tries to figure out who sent it, he will have to go through a list of people who care about him. That's a good exercise in itself. 5. Start an encouragement brigade. Don't you love all the encouraging responses you get from friends when you post something sad on Facebook? When you are depressed, you need to hear over and over again how people care about you before you believe it. To help your friend through a tough time, gather some other people to help you bombard the friend with encouragement. Write letters, send texts, send messages on Facebook, place notes in his locker... Work together to fill your friend's world with encouragement. Any small gesture means a lot to someone who doesn't feel like they have much to live for. You want to cry. You want to fight. But all you can do is try to hide the pain inside. When someone you love keeps putting you down, it's hard. It's especially hard when you are the only one in the family receiving this treatment. Being constantly criticized for who you are or things you have done, is devastating. It makes you feel unloved, hurt, and angry. It also makes you feel less excited about holidays like Thanksgiving. After all, who wants to spend time with someone who treats you disrespectfully? If you're facing a Thanksgiving filled with criticism and put downs, take heart. You don't have to suffer in silence. There are ways you can protect yourself without fighting back and making the situation worse.
• "That's a mean thing to say. Please stop." • "That's prejudice. I don't like it." • "When you say rude things to me, it's not being helpful. It's being rude." Remember, friends, you are valuable and unique just as you are. You bring special insights and talents to this world that no one else can bring. Regardless of what someone says about you, you matter. So if all else fails and you find yourself in a tough situation, I'm sending you an invisible force field of love right now. Put it on. Use it to protect yourself from those criticisms, knowing that someone out here cares about you. Mistakes and all. |
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November 2015
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