Lately social media feeds have been filled with pictures of happy people enjoying holiday fun. For some of us, scrolling through these pictures is a painful reminder that we are feeling everything but happy.  Seeing people happy when we are going through trauma is hard.  Incredibly hard.  

If you feel triggered over the holidays, it's okay to use the strategies you've learned to regroup.  Step away and breathe.  Listen to music. (We've put together a playlist on Spotify called Finding Hope, which you can access here.)  Journal away your stress or go for a walk. 

Another strategy you can try is sketching.  Now before you tell me you're not an artist, let me tell you a story.  It's a story about a guy who found a way to zone out and forget about the stress in his life.

I won't go into the story of what he was facing, but I will tell you that the trauma gave him an intense fear for his future.  Then one day he decided to grab a pen and some paper, and he began drawing what he saw directly in front of him.  It wasn't a perfect drawing, and he wasn't an artist.  

Everyday for ten minutes, he drew.  What he found was that it didn't matter what he drew — his lemon LaCroix, the chair, or even if his drawing was good— the experience calmed him down.  That slow, careful gaze helped him zone out his stress and notice and connect with the blessings in his life—the everyday things surrounding him.

When things get overwhelming, we can feel like we won't have peace until the situation is resolved or we can escape from it.  Fortunately, this isn't the case.  There are a number of things we can do to find calm in our storms. Here's hoping you will find a strategy that works for you this holiday season.

By Emily Krueger

     My friend recently said to me: “Every year, I say ‘next year will be a better year’ and I really believe it when I say it. But I can’t seem to voice the words this year. After all the tragic and awful things, I fear that this year will just roll into the next. It doesn’t feel over yet.”

     I couldn’t agree with her more. It doesn’t feel over yet. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but my friend is right. It isn’t over yet. As we enter a new year, the awfulness of 2020 can’t be stomped on or thrown away. For many of us, 2020 left scars that we’ll have to live with everyday. Truth be told, we will once again find ourselves standing on the frontlines of a new war, but who wins the battle depends on us.

     So here’s my proposal, instead of DEPENDING on what the new year will bring to us, how about we DEPEND on ourselves and what we bring to the new year. What kind of “weapons” can we bring with us as we enter 2021 in preparation of a new war?

    If you’ve been knocked down this year and got back up again, you’re carrying the weapon of resilience. How about self care? If you’re actively taking care of yourself, you’re claiming the weapon of value. Every single person has value. Take hold of that weapon. How about spiritual? Do you meditate? Have faith in a higher power? Then you’re carrying a weapon that no problem can fight against. Look out 2021!

     Who is standing alongside you in these battles? This is your backup team. Talk to them, let them in. Claim your weapons. Make amends with your weapons as you enter the new year. Prepare to fight. Stand tall. Don’t give up. No battle is too great for you and your weapons. You've got this.

I've been sitting for a while in pain, watching the people close to me deal with the devastating affects of adversity.  Some are reeling from the loss of their home — others from the death of  a friend or relative.  One is drowning in the pain of racism, and another is drowning in the pain of cancer (now stealing the sweet toddler from her arms.) 

I feel powerless knowing I can't take away their pain.  None of us can. That's one of the hard parts about life and love and family and friendship.

Perhaps you've been there, watching people you love hurting and wanting with all of your heart to switch places with them and make it better.  What do you do when you can't?  When life demands everyone walk through the mess it's handing them?

The only thing I've been able to figure out is to show up. A text. A call. A visit. A meal. A care package. A listening ear. Sometimes it feels like it's not enough, but according to the ones suffering, it's appreciated and makes them feel loved.  That's one of people's greatest needs — to be loved.  It's comforting to know that something I can do will meet a deep need, even if it can't change the situation.

With everything that is going on in our world—Corona Virus, Racial Injustice, Protests, people have a lot they are processing. 

I am wondering how I can truly understand the racial injustice piece.  You see I come from white privilege.  I was born into a middle-class white family.  I can’t apologize for that, but I need to understand that I have an unearned advantage.  I have what Peggy McIntosh, an associate director of the Wellesley College Center for Research on Women, refers to as “An Invisible Knapsack of White Privilege.” I have assets inside like code books, guidebooks and blank checks that unknowingly I have used all my life.  I grew up in a neighborhood with people like me-white. I never had to worry about the color of my skin.  I never worried about people following me around in a store, I didn’t worry that I wouldn’t be accepted in my neighborhood because of my skin color. If I did get pulled over by the police I got the benefit of doubt.  

All of this happened without me even thinking about it.  It is only in my later years did I realize all that I have in my life.  Honestly, some of this realization didn’t happen until we adopted 2 foreign born children who did not have our same skin color.  With one adoption we lived in a rural community in Montana and our child was the only Asian individual at their school.  I’m not saying I fully understood then, but it started opening my eyes to our world. 

I believed if I treated everyone equally and with love, I was doing my part.  But sometimes when we hesitate or do nothing, we are signaling silence to the hurting.  Just being cool with everyone doesn’t mean we are advocating for anyone.  I think that is what these latest protests are helping me realize.  I don’t think the blame, shame or guilt game is a way to deal with this. I think we need to decide what we are comfortable doing—or maybe even uncomfortable. For some of us attending protests is a way to support, for others making donations, others make posters and signs.  We need to Listen, Learn and Advocate.  

So I’m going to take off my lens of white privilege and do something positive.  Do you have a lens that you use to view people or the world?  I challenge you to reach out in understanding and love.  We can change the world, even one interaction at a time. 

Seems all I do is wait anymore. Wait for test results that could shake my world.  Wait for financial provision.  Wait for paperwork.  Wait for the day I can live a "normal life" again - whatever that means. Waiting is hard. And through all of this waiting I cry out as many of you do.  When will this end?  What will happen if...?  How will I make it?

When these thoughts get too overwhelming, I go to a quiet place. There, away from the world, I give myself a pep talk. My anxious mind doesn't want to listen, but I tell it the truth I don't always feel in my heart. "It's normal to feel upset and anxious. Times are hard, but these times won't last forever.  I've been through trauma before, and I know that after each event there came a time of peace and happiness. I can do this.  I am strong."

I'd love to be able to tell you that this little time out makes me feel instantly at peace, but I can't.  It's just a step in the right direction. It helps me take my thoughts captive so they don't run amok. That's the first step.  I also set boundaries, have a little fun each day, reach out for connection, exercise, and do something kind for others. All of these things help my emotional health.

But the one thing that helps me the most is prayer. It brings me the most peace, and it's something I can't explain to you adequately. If you want to stop reading now, you may. But if you're curious, I pray the same thing I'll pray over you now:

God give them all they need to get through the day — the strength to endure, a wisdom to make sound decisions,  the ability to discover joy in the chaos. Give them an overwhelming sense of peace, one that comforts them to the very depths of their being.  I pray today that as they read this, they will feel your presence in a tangible way and will discover the incredible love you have for them, a love so deep it can get them through their loneliest hours.  Today I pray hope over them, God, as they wait. As we all wait.  Together.

I am from journals. 
From pages of dreams and scribbles of frustration.

I am from diagnoses on paper
(tangible proof of a hidden illness I desperately wish would heal.)

I am from pain and sleepless nights.
From pulling myself up by the boots and forging on.
(Despite the fatigue,
Despite the looks from those who couldn't possibly understand,
Despite the words from those who choose not to.)

I am from faith.
From choosing to be kind and choosing to be humble.

I am from a mind and a heart that believes
the best days of my life have not yet been realized.
(So I'm strengthened, 
and very, very grateful for another day and another opportunity
to live my best life.)

​I am from hope.



​https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/courage-man-jump-through-gap-hill-business-concept-idea_1151013.htm

​I don’t own a scale, and I’m not going to buy one in 2019.  I’m not going to purchase a gym membership, begin a skin regimen that’s supposed to make me look like a Hollywood Starlet, or strive to make more money.

I guess you could say I’m a resolution rebel, and you’d be right. After all, I’m not choosing one of the common resolutions for my new year.  Instead, I’m choosing to work on being the best me I can be ─ and by “best me” I mean the person I am on the inside.

I’ll begin by determining what I value.  I’ll look at a list of values and pick three or four that really resonate with me, and then I’ll write them down as follows:  


Integrity, Love, Faith, Generosity


Next, I’ll use this list to guide me in every situation.  I’ll ask myself, “Am I acting with integrity? Am I demonstrating love?  Do my actions fit with my faith? Is there a way I can be more generous? 

Yes, 2019 will not be a year of “cutting out” for me. Instead, it will be a year of adding more of what I value.  Maybe you’ll also want a year of "adding more." In that case, rebel, I’ll attached a list of values to help you in your quest.

May we both become the best version of ourselves this year, and may we find a year of happiness waiting for us. Blessings, my friend.

It sounds too good to be true, doesn't it?  Thinking our way to health?  Yet, that's just what recent studies show. Our thoughts are so powerful they can effect our minds, our biology, and even our environments.

New research shows our thoughts have a direct affect on our biology.  According to a leading cellular biologist, Bruce Lipton, "Our minds will adjust our body's biology and behavior to fit with our beliefs." In other words, the more self-critical we are, the more our subconscious minds will work to convince us of our limitations and unworthiness. 
On the flip side, the more we think positively about ourselves, the more our subconscious will work to bring about a positive change to our biology and behavior. 

We may not have much control over our subconscious mind, but we do have control over the thoughts we feed it. Unfortunately, positive thinking doesn't just happen.  It's something we have to do on purpose.  It may feel funny and a little awkward at first talking kindly to ourselves, but it will make a huge difference in our lives. Still Skeptical? 
Just look at this research done by Dr. Emoto on the power of words:
​

There are times when you think you are going to be riding into the sunset and your illness is in your rear view mirror. Then your illness hits you.


There are moments in life I have felt invincible from my illness. These past couple years I have been promoted multiple times, I have moved multiple times. I had my up and downs but not extreme. That is a lot of stress I got through. I was thinking, "I am a rock star. Maybe I have out grown my illness. Maybe my tools I have built are working and I'm over it."


Then when I thought I have found a future stepping stone that would be great for my future I took it. I switched jobs, I moved towards more family, my schedule is great,I have been on vacations, my life style was supposed to sky rocket. I had the worst episode I have had in years. I could not find enjoyment when it was right in front of me. I was thinking what is wrong with me? I can see that I am suppose to be happy. I know this is what I wanted. Why Can't I be??

This episode I was in lasted for months and during it I could not figure out how to get out of it.  I felt like all my tools I have built up were useless. All I kept thinking was fight harder, fight harder. Life can be happy and sad on the outside but my illness is on the inside. Even when you think you are invincible then you are reminded even the strongest need help sometimes. It is ok to ask for it. God knows I needed it. I had to redo a lot of my meds, try everything I had to figure out sleep, figure out how to live outside of my battles in my mind. It felt impossible at times and I have been dealing with this for close to 20 years. I cry sometimes knowing I have to deal with this my entire life.

​ Now I am on the back end of my episode and thank God everyday for that. It is so hard when you are doing great to remind yourself of these times when you just can't. I know I can get better with every episode and try my hardest fighting the good fight because I am strong enough to fight through. Even though I might need help and am reminded of that every time.