Once upon a time, a long time ago, my family's life was perfect.  Well, maybe not perfect, but close enough.  We were happy, and then something happened that changed our course forever: my husband got cancer.  WHAM!  A marker, or signpost, was placed into our lives.  Suddenly we had our life before dad had cancer, and we had our life after dad had cancer.  They were very different lives.

Tomorrow I'm attending a funeral and giving hugs to another family who's had a marker slammed into their lives, one they will refer to often.  Unfortunately, life has a way of doing that to the best of families, maybe even yours.

Those unexpected turns in the road can be painful and difficult, so difficult they can prompt us to search for comfort in things we shouldn't...

alcohol,
drugs,
gambling,
porn,
relationships,
overeating,
cutting,
vomiting...  

We all want to find comfort during life's difficult moments, and it's easy to find temporary comfort in things that can add additional difficulties. My family has experienced some of these temporary comforts firsthand, and they were never satisfying. They kept us needing to overcome more and more issues.

Then we found something that brought us true comfort.

In this world of political correctness, it's not popular to talk about faith, but that's exactly what we found that helped us.  Faith.  Nothing seemed to comfort us as good as God. I guess that's why he's called "the Father of mercies and God of all comfort." 

If you're needing a "God of all comfort" because you've been disappointed in the things you have tried, he'll be there for you.  His kindness and grace may be just the thing you need to continue on.  It was for us.  

​I am deeply grieved over the number of families sitting down this week and facing empty chairs at their dinner tables. My heart breaks each time I think about my black friends encountering a police officer and fearing for their lives. It shouldn't be this way. Likewise, my friends in law enforcement shouldn't fear retaliation for the mistake of another.

Images of hurting people flash across my screen, reminding me daily that people are being murdered for their race, persecuted for their religion, and mistreated for their gender. As I watch these streaming images, a common thread begins to emerge: every wound is bleeding red.

It's a stark reminder of our similarities.

Isn't it time we realize the enemy we fight is not each other? The sooner we acknowledge our enemy as hate, the sooner we'll be able to listen to each other and understand. The sooner we'll be able to heal. The sooner we'll live in a world where people are cared for and honored because they are human. 

Will you join us?  Will you begin fighting for each other instead of against one another? Will you seek to help those who are not like you?  Will you be part of the change? 

​I get it.

It's nice feeling loved. It's wonderful having someone to hang around, so you don't have to be alone.  It feels good saying the word, "Boyfriend." 

He's cute.  
He can be really sweet sometimes.  
He has a lot going on right now....that's why he's treating you that way.  It'll get better.

This is where I sigh because I know it won't get better. I've seen it too many times.  

Let me tell you something, sweet friend:  There's nothing more lonely than being in a bad relationship.  

​How Do I Know If I'm in a bad relationship?

Here are some common "red flags" to notice:

• He isolates you and doesn't want you to hang out with certain people.
• He only wants to be around you on his time.
• He doesn't like to spend time with your family.
• He is emotionally abusive and talks down to you.
• When he does something wrong, he turns it on you.
• He disrespects you in front of his friends.
• He wants to know all of your passwords.
• He makes you wear what he wants you to wear.
• He's always angry at you.
• He hits or physically hurts you.

​But If I Break up With Him, I'll Be Alone

I'm not going to point out how many people you have in your life that will be there for you.

I'm not.

Instead, I'm going to let you know it'll be good for you to be alone, because then you can show yourself a little "self-love."

And you need this, my friend.  You really do.

Taking time for self-love, or self-care, will not only help you gain more confidence, but it will also help you increase your motivation and decrease your stress.  Self-care will lead you to be emotionally stable and make better choices.  You'll learn not to depend on other people to make you feel this way.  

Here's what you can do:

• Choose some wise friends to support you and make you feel confident.
• Join an activity group to find those friends. (After-School Activity, Church Youth Group, Dance or Pilates Class, Sports Team)
• Fight the urge to isolate yourself.  Getting out to do fun things helps bring up your self-esteem.
• Find things that will help you relax and lower your heart rate.

Accepting love at all costs isn't worth it.   It really isn't.  You deserve a better boyfriend, and it's time you believed it.

Life can take unexpected turns.

Parents die.  Relationships fail.  We flunk important tests or don't make the team.

It can be hard when life throws us curveballs. After some of these unexpected curveballs this week, I find myself tired... tired to the depths of my bones from all of the emotions.  They've been bouncing me around like a ping pong ball, jostling me between hope and sadness; courage and humiliation; determination and failure. To be honest, I wish I could go to bed and stay there a month, sleeping and regaining some composure.

But I hear a soft, little voice reminding me that each step of my journey will bring new things:  new opportunities, new decisions, and new challenges. 

"With each step you'll get braver," it says.

"But what if I don't have the courage to take another step?" I reply.   

 And that's where I'm at, thinking and wondering about strategies I can use to get me through the week.  And here's what I've decided:

1. I'll surround myself with friends, friends who can speak wisdom into my life. And I'll listen to them.
2. I'll believe I am worthy and loved no matter what, and I'll remember those words when I'm beginning to feel rejected. When something I do fails.  I'll remind myself that what I DO is not ME.  I am not the failure.
3. I'll get out of my comfort zone and face the challenges,  even though I know I may "blow it."  And if I do make a mistake, I'll pray God will help me learn from it and give me all I need to turn the challenge around.  He's good about things like that.

As I sit here, I wonder:  Do any of you have a good way to deal with the onslaught of challenges?  I'd love to hear about it.

​"The one thing that stands between a child becoming a statistic or a success story is one caring adult," says Josh Shipp, someone who could have been that statistic.  

He didn't know it at the time, but that one caring adult was sitting right in front of him...a tough, yet caring man named Rodney.

Everyone deserves a Rodney in their life. 

Maybe all you have to do is look in front of you.

​Not a lot to say today, but this, my sweet friends:

Hope is only one step away.

​Dear family members and friends,
 
We know we don’t say it often enough, but thank you.  Thank you so much for being here for us.  For being our strength when we want to give up.  For listening and believing in us.
 
It can’t be easy always worrying about us, watching us hurting and not knowing how to help.  But we are so grateful we have you sitting up with us at night, putting arms around us when we’re sad, asking about our day and encouraging us in your special way. 
 
Even if we don’t express it, you are our hope….the light in our darkness. You keep us hanging on.  What a gift you are. There are no words to express how grateful we feel.  And we don’t say it nearly enough, because the pain keeps the words from coming out of our mouths.
 
So thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you. Thank you.
 
Thank you for seeing our worth hidden beneath our pain.  Thank you for not walking away when things get hard.  Thank you for staying and loving us in our hardest moments. 

Thank you for loving us, always loving us.
 
We love you so much,

Your Depressed Teen

Haylee is six and terrified of the dark. 

She was scared to walk into our dim kitchen last night, regardless of how much I assured her it was safe.  She needed the light to prove to herself that everything she'd been feeling about the dark was untrue.

It's the same when someone is depressed.  Regardless of how much assurance people give them, they need the light to show them the truth about their situation.  But where does this light come from?
​
Some people find it through therapy.  Some find it through medicine.  Others, like Emily Weirenga, find it through faith.  Here is her story:

I’ve never heard music like it...

At the end of “God is good, all the time,” the worship leader shared how this song was her son’s favorite. How it had been his favorite since he was three-years-old, how she’d sung it every night over him, even as he went through cancer as a child, even as chemo wracked his five-year-old body — it remained his favorite song. God is good — all the time.

The congregation was silent...

And then the pastor rose and spoke about Robin Williams and depression.

He spoke to a congregation about the need to get real with God.

About how depression is not necessarily the curse that it seems — but rather, a gift. An invitation from God to let in the light.

Madeleine L’Engle says this:

“Those who believe they believe in God, but without passion in the heart,
without anguish of mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, and even at times without despair,
believe only in the idea of God, and not in God himself.”

I sat there in my pew digesting the hope of this pastor’s words — me, a girl who has battled depression her whole life, who often wonders if depression is a curse, who often wonders how one can be saved if one doesn’t feel the joy the Bible speaks of.

Yet, what if all this wrestling with our pain is a way of getting close to Jesus?

What if joy is hidden in the folds of sorrow? What if light is found leaking through the curtain of darkness?

“It’s when you’re depressed that you need to rely on radical faith,” the young pastor said, “because faith does not require sight. And when you’re depressed, all you see is darkness. So faith is the light in the darkness.”

He went through Lamentations, Job, the Psalms, Jonah, Jeremiah — pointing out the melancholy of each writer and the intimacy each writer also had with God. And how God did not give up on the writer but rather drew closer to him during his suffering. And then he reminded us of Jesus, crying out “My God, my God — why have you forsaken me?” and if the Savior of the world can be this real and hopeless, why can’t we?

Depression, he said, is not an invitation to give up, but rather, to “Be still, and know (He is) God.”

Feeling the heartache of the world is not a sign that you are far from God, but rather, very close to Him, as you are in tune with the suffering of His people. So rather than feeling berated for your sorrow, ask God to speak to you through it — to show you how this is, in fact, a gift rather than a curse. To draw close to you during the darkness and let HIS light overpower the shadows of the world.

It is not up to YOU to change your depression, the pastor said. Yes, sometimes we need meds. And sometimes we need to just be still in the night of our soul. To wait for God to declare — as He has from the beginning --“Let there be light.”