No one can fully understand what grieving is until they’ve been through it themselves. I’ve grieved before, not because of a death of an immediate family member, but over the loss of my child that I adopted out.

I grieved for months, and even though I finally came to an acceptance, every once in a while I replay that very last day in the hospital with him when he was considered mine. He's turning six this summer.  

I've read that when there is a close attachment to the person who died, the feelings of loss and yearning may never entirely fade (Worden, 2009).  In other words, we don't really recover from our loss, but we learn to live with it.

I guess what I've learned is that grief doesn't have to be dealt with alone. Support from family members and friends can be nourishing and soothing to our hearts. Inspiring Doctor Nancy Berns once said, "Immersing ourselves in grief long enough to discover that we can float gives us more freedom to feel the joy and love that remain. And in both grief and water, it is best not to do it alone."

Once upon a time, a long time ago, my family's life was perfect.  Well, maybe not perfect, but close enough.  We were happy, and then something happened that changed our course forever: my husband got cancer.  WHAM!  A marker, or signpost, was placed into our lives.  Suddenly we had our life before dad had cancer, and we had our life after dad had cancer.  They were very different lives.

Tomorrow I'm attending a funeral and giving hugs to another family who's had a marker slammed into their lives, one they will refer to often.  Unfortunately, life has a way of doing that to the best of families, maybe even yours.

Those unexpected turns in the road can be painful and difficult, so difficult they can prompt us to search for comfort in things we shouldn't...

alcohol,
drugs,
gambling,
porn,
relationships,
overeating,
cutting,
vomiting...  

We all want to find comfort during life's difficult moments, and it's easy to find temporary comfort in things that can add additional difficulties. My family has experienced some of these temporary comforts firsthand, and they were never satisfying. They kept us needing to overcome more and more issues.

Then we found something that brought us true comfort.

In this world of political correctness, it's not popular to talk about faith, but that's exactly what we found that helped us.  Faith.  Nothing seemed to comfort us as good as God. I guess that's why he's called "the Father of mercies and God of all comfort." 

If you're needing a "God of all comfort" because you've been disappointed in the things you have tried, he'll be there for you.  His kindness and grace may be just the thing you need to continue on.  It was for us.  

​At 16 I attempted to take my own life. I would make another attempt at 19. And I am SO THANKFUL that I FAILED in those attempts. Why? Please... PLEASE read why.

I was removed from my family's house when I was about halfway through high school. My grandparents took me under their roof and provided for me something I never thought was possible in a place of acceptance. But both of those things would never have happened if I didn't reach out and ask for help from my friends and family that weren't living with me. They helped me learn what resources were available for me, who I could talk to about these things, and what could be done, and although it was only little steps... THEY WERE STEPS and steps in the RIGHT DIRECTION! I began to understand that I had value, that I was important, and that I did matter to people around me. My confidence slowly rebuilt and I started to rediscover who I was and what things made me truly happy in life. 

Like I mentioned before though, I did attempt to take my own life again at 19. And at this point in my life (at 25) looking back, I hope I can provide some perspective for you - knowing where I was then. Once I began to understand what made me happy I began to make longer, lasting friendships and relationships with people around me, but I relied too much on those people. In high school and especially through college and working in the 'adult' world, these friendships don't last as long as you see in movies and TV shows. So when they ended, it really hurt... it dug deep. After having surgery that took me from my dreams of playing any sport in college, breaking up with a long-term girlfriend, and learning my last term of high school dropped my GPA below scholarship levels I thought I was losing all my value as a person again.

At this point something wonderful happened and I would hope and pray that it can and will happen in each of your lives if you are reading this now:

As the sea, life has a way of turning tumultuous when we're least expecting it.  And like ships, we can be left adrift, feeling alone in a sea of people and wondering if anyone understands.

Under such circumstances, it would be tempting to capsize and stay hidden until the storm has passed. But if we're lucky, very, very lucky, someone will draw alongside and help us keep trying.

Tremendous strength can be found in the try...

...in the stepping out of bed, when you'd rather stay hidden.
...in the putting one foot in front of the other, when you can hardly think. 
...in the doing the right thing, when you know it will be hard.
...in the holding onto hope, when you've been hurt to the core.

Something beautiful and powerful is happening in this try.  It is pushing you forward.  It is getting you closer to the shore.  It is changing things little by little.  

Little steps are good.  Little steps are life-changing.

So keep trying, my friend, keep trying.

All I knew was, I didn’t choose depression, it chose me. I’d seen it rip apart families, tear up sweet souls, and steal lives of innocent people. And it was after me, too. The day I met depression, I was sure it had ahold of me. I could feel it lurking in every ounce of my mind and body.

It stole nearly everything that was me:

     My energy.
     My strength.
     My sleep.
     My habits.
     My thoughts.
     My hopes.
     Even my faith.

The day I met depression was the day my life nearly stopped; I stood in front of a mirror and looked depression straight in the eye. We battled. I almost lost.

In the year 2006, I was 16 years old and I survived a battle with suicide.

I don’t really know why, but I was given another chance at life. My heart was still beating, my lungs were still breathing, and I was still alive.

Everything you could hear and imagine was in that hospital room: IVs, wires, tubes, hoses, beeps, screams, weeping, the works. But the best part was the ghostly, pale faces of my dear family.

How in the world did I let the world’s worst enemy nearly kill me?

The memory is a slight blur, but to be honest, I'm ok with that. Sometimes I feel ashamed of my past, not because I tried to end my life, but because of what I put my family through. I try my best to look at the bright side in this, which is:

I will never attempt to battle with depression again, alone. 

I have so much to live for now, and my life has turned out much better than I ever thought it could.  That's why I'm glad I lived.  If you are hurting and looking depression in the mirror as I did, don't face the battle alone.  You have things in the future worth living for.  Choose to get help.  Choose life.

     There are many safe places to get support.
        1-800-SUICIDE
        1-714-NEWTEEN
        Text: teen2teen to 839863

     You can contact any of these numbers, even if you just want to talk or get information.

You are meant for more.
           Although you may be feeling an intense pain right now, your life still has a purpose. Suicide survivors will tell
          you, you'll wake up one morning and find that your pain is gone and your life has become everything you'd
          hoped it would be.  Don't give up.

You are stronger than you think.
          You are not hopeless or useless, and mental illness does not define you.  Even though it's hard to hold on right
          now, dig down deep and do whatever you need to find your strength. Strength kicks mental illness in the butt.

Your future is worth it.
          This is not the end of your story, and there is a whole wide world out there filled with amazing things you have
          yet to experience. Dreams and hopes can come true, friend. Keep believing you are worthy of this happy life.  

You are loved much more than you think.
          You may feel alone and unloved, but don't let these negative thoughts fool you.  There are people in your life   
          who love and care for you.  Look for that love and believe it when you see it.

Others are counting on your help.
          Because of your experiences, you have the ability to understand people who have similar struggles, and 
          you can offer them a helping hand and a listening ear right when they need it.  Many lives have been saved
          by ordinary heroes just like you.

Keep living, friend.  Don't let depression convince you there's no hope.  

Hi,

I'm a teen and I struggle with multiple mental illnesses, mostly because of my past. I have PTSD very bad from my dad and a sexual assault. I also have bipolar disorder. It's not like everyone says, it's very annoying, and hard to manage.

I have had very negative thoughts out of the blue. I, later in life, have realized there was always a underlying cause it seemed. I have been "diagnosed" with many things because I wasn't honest about things that had happened or what I was thinking. I was put on strong medication that has had long term affects with my brain. But I'm doing good now, because I was honest about things going on.

Now just because I'm doing good doesn't mean I don't have my bad days. That's what I want everyone to understand to not get upset because you had a bad day it's all about one step at a time. You fall and you come back up.

I remember when I was younger, I had no money, messed up family and everyone told me I couldn't make it. I got weird stares and rude comments. I failed in life numerous times. I tried to commient suicide twice and almost died twice. But for some reason I'm still alive. I'm now learning what my destiny will be.

I struggled for 4 years with everything you can think of: PTSD, mental illness, abuse, depression, addiction, and self harm. I lost a girlfriend to suicide in January. But, no, it hasn't stopped me yet. I'm not planning to be a police officer, but I want to help others. What I'm trying to explain is, you can come from nothing and still make it.  You can have horrible days but there is still always that chance of an amazing future and most of the time that is up to you!

Stay strong and remember :

Suicide is a permanent answer to a temporary problem!

Think about that, really think about what could happen if you try!

If no one else said they loved you today, I do, mainly because if you're reading this you're probably looking for help and that is the best step. Also, I know you're strong if you can relate to anything I've said.

Dear Teen,
Thank you for sharing your story and giving us words of hope.  It always touches my heart to see people reaching out and helping one another.  I'm sure many teens will be inspired to hear how you've persevered through tough situations and found yourself stronger. Well done, my friend, well done. 

I was having such a good time with an amazing group of fun and intelligent people until they said:

“I can’t believe people who want to commit suicide would do it in such a public way by jumping in front of a train.  What a messy way to die and think of all the people behind that have to clean it up.  What are they thinking?”
 
You see, I might have just as easily laughed this off, except my son attempted suicide 3 times. 

My family and I were there to pick up the pieces of his life and try to move on.  I was thankful that I wasn’t one of the statistics where he did jump in front of a train and was instantly gone. (28 young people a week die of suicide, 4 per day) I was lucky.  My son Lived!!  Although sitting in a psych ward multiple times until we got his life back together was very messy. 

Living, waiting for the other shoe to drop is frightening. 

Trying to find prescribing doctors, therapists and affordable medication and insurance is a struggle.  This illness is a life long battle that we are forced to face with no hope for a cure.  Most Cancers have a 90% cure rate.  My son has an 18% chance of dying from this illness.  Yes, I’m lucky, but it’s not an easy road being diagnosed with bipolar disorder. 

People think my son has a choice to live. 

When you are in the throws of a deep depression the person can only think of the pain.  It is an intense pain, unlike any most of us will ever know.  It is easier to rip out your toenails—which my son did, than live with the debilitating pain that this illness causes. 
 
So what can I and do I do in situations like these?

​I try to share a different perspective.  One that uses my experience with mental illness to educate and share that people that make these choices, at the time they do—don’t feel like there is another option.   The pain becomes too intense, too much to bear and all they are thinking is that now they can be free—no pain, no hurt, no worries and I won’t be a burden to my family anymore.
 
I want to say--
​
“Don’t Leave Forever!  Hang in there.  You are so much more than your illness.  There is HOPE and you are a valuable human being.  Get Hope, get Help, tomorrow can be a better day and You are worth it!”