"We cannot control mental illness or suicide. We can only control how we support and treat the people who have it... This support can mean the difference between someone ending their life or finally gaining the courage to reach out and change it." Amanda Southworth
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Every morning you wake up in a fog. Exhaustion overwhelms your body, even though sleep is supposed to relieve it; but that’s not the case for you.
You force yourself to get out of bed in the morning, hoping that stretching your limbs as long and high as you can and expelling your breath from the pits of your lungs will snap you out of it. Your body moves like a sloth. You lack motivation, confidence, and energy. Daily, you feel sad, asking yourself, “WHY? Why can’t I just be normal like everyone else?" You get yourself to your destination for the day, whether it is work or school, and you are consumed in a fog of exhaustion. You can't focus. People try to communicate with you, but you can’t seem to gather yourself into a balanced individual. Because you lack motivation, confidence, and energy, the people around you feel it too. You distance yourself from everyone to try and protect your image, which only makes it a lonely day. Many of us know this struggle. I know this struggle. This struggle is depression, and it’s exhausting. I have dealt with depression my entire life. For many years, I've struggled and struggled with knowing how to cope with this illness. One strategy I've found that helps me cope is to count my blessings...literally. I write down every single joy in my life and what I am thankful for. Then I write out a list of everything I love and live for... the things that make me the happiest. This tends to be the most motivating thing for me to remember — why I am living. I also make sure I take time out of each day to spend by myself in spiritual pursuits and self care. Whether that means taking a bubble bath, praying, walking or meditating—I do whatever positive activity I can do in order to get through it. And guess what? I do get through it, and you can, too, my friend. You can, too. As Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Believe you can and you’re half way there.” Never let the stigma and exhaustion keep you from believing you can. This powerful video was shared to my Facebook page. Its images triggered some painful emotions, but the message is clear. People who have been through the battle of depression and survived know that hope is waiting on the other side. Whether you find it in faith or somewhere else, hope is waiting for you. Please don't kill yourself!
When my sister was critically injured in a high speed car accident, I didn't think things could get any worse. I held her hand in the ICU on our first Father's Day without our dad, and I thanked God for saving her life. I wasn't prepared for old family wounds to resurface and inflict their pain...but resurface they did.
I won't go into detail, but I will tell you what I've learned from watching my family and others. Families tend to orbit around one another. Sometimes they take turns orbiting around each member. Sometimes they just orbit around one family member. Families that orbit around one family member tend to orbit around their "favored" member or their "problem" member. In each instance, they can be so focused on the one who's pulled them in, they are unaware of what's happening with the others outside of their immediate concern. If you feel as if you are standing outside of your family's circle, my heart goes out to you. Please realize you are just as worthy of their attention and love as the family member they are focused on, but they may not be able to show it to you. Let go of that expectation. The gravitational pull of the situation may be too strong to expect a break in family patterns. Family attention and approval does not make you more worthy. You are worthy from being the person God created you to be. Be that person. Forgive your family for their humanness and set boundaries if you need to do so. Then go live. Love on others the best way you can and forgive yourself if you get pulled into an orbit of your own. Life is too fragile and short to hold grudges against others and ourselves. Go do. Go be. Go live. Many people, after the deaths of Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade, are asking each other how such successful people could commit suicide. What could they possibly have been depressed about? Even Anthony Bourdain's mother is questioning his decision. “He had everything. Success beyond his wildest dreams. Money beyond his wildest dreams..." You might think that success, wealth, and adoring fans could protect you from pain, but they can't. Pain is sneaky, and it will always find a way into someone's life, even if that someone is highly talented and successful. That's where the problem lies. Pain hides in the shadows, so when we catch glimpses of other people's lives, we often can't see it. We see only what's thrust into the light, and we believe our lives should be just as happy. Then when they aren't, we get worried and discouraged. Anthony and Kate must have been feeling very discouraged to do what they did. It's too bad they never realized the number of people who would have reached out to help them. Maybe then they wouldn't have chosen the wrong solution for their pain. Suicide wasn't the solution for their pain. It never is. Depression likes to lie and tell you that there is no way you can overcome the pain you are feeling in the moment. But it is wrong. Do you know how you can overcome the pain? Look at this picture. I don't know if you've watched the movie "13 Reasons Why," but here is a scene that shows why suicide is not the answer...13 reasons why...13 people coming together and helping each other get through the moment.
There will always be people who will come alongside and help you through the pain. Always. All you have to do is let someone know you are struggling. Then you need to believe what they tell you. You are loved and needed. You are not a burden. You will get through this pain. Pain is not a death sentence. It's a warning that it's time to reach out. Suicide Prevention Lifeline (24 Hours) tel:1-800-273-8255 After months of researching bullying and trying to write a story for the victims, I've come to a firm realization: You have a better chance of getting through life if you have a tribe of people who support you.
Life can be downright messy at times, and we're all going to have those days-- Days where our hearts will be hurt by people we care about. Days we don't think we have the energy to face. Days that feel as if we've been dragged through the streets behind a large truck. During those times we need to reach out and talk to people. We need to find people who will speak words of life and hope into our mess. This is the crucial part. It's easy to find people who will commiserate with us—grumble and complain whenever we need someone to join us in our misery. It's much harder to find people who will support us in our healing. If you have someone in your life who speaks truth and encouragement over you, hold onto them. Be open to them. Listen to them. I don't know where I'd be without my tribe. Whenever I'm having "a day," these ladies are a text away. Their words bring comfort and help. I've learned from their advice, and I've cherished their visits to support me. I'm the woman I am today because of the love they've poured into my life. That's what tribes do—they pour into our lives and help us become stronger. A good friend told me that female elephants circle around other elephants when they need support. The elephants will gather around their friend and then turn their bodies so their tusks face outward. Creating a circle, they will make an impenetrable wall that provides support and protection for their vulnerable friend.
All of us need a circle of friends who gather around us when we're vulnerable. Will you be that person for someone else? Will you create a circle around your friend and help them be brave when their world becomes a threatening place? Will you be brave and advocate for your friend? On the flip side, when you're feeling vulnerable, will you speak of your distress so your friends can create a circle around you? Will you let them fight for you and encourage you? It's time we redefined what bravery looks like. Being brave should not be an individual endeavor. Being brave should come from being in a community. It should come from people stopping to link their arms in ours and help us to the finish line. It should come from friends surrounding us when we're hurting. Instead of surviving life alone, let's start circling around one another. It's easier to navigate life when we have people around to help us. Let's be brave together. We find ourselves together,
Each one bearing the scars from our battles. Wounded warriors —Who refuse to give up. —Who face our fears bravely and lend our strength when someone needs it. We turn with open arms to those who are hurting and say, "You are welcome here." For we know the beauty in a person is found deep beneath their surface. We listen when you vent laugh when you joke comfort when you cry and walk a mile in your shoes every day if it means it will help you We've learned the pain of carrying secrets in our wounds is no match for the hope we can find in the acceptance from another So we reach out to one another-- in coffee shops and hallways, neighborhoods and blog posts, bravely baring our souls and telling our stories For we are warriors Comforters Menders Friends Who know the bravest thing we can do is open our weaknesses to the scrutiny of another so all can find healing. We come without judgement. We come with our scars. We come as we are. "You are welcome here." This lovely girl is my daughter. Hidden beneath her smile is a real joy for life, but it wasn't always this way. It's hard to be excited about life when you're being bullied, and this girl was bullied throughout middle school and high school. In those days, her smile hid a pain that was too deep for words, and it made her attempt suicide on more than one occasion.
Luckily, she survived... Every. Single. Try. Man, how thankful I am she lived—not just because she's my daughter and I love her—but because she's the bravest girl I know, and I admire her so much! What spirit she has! What strength! What beauty she showed as she rose above the crisis! Those days were difficult, I won't lie. But in the middle of the battle, my girl found her brave—and she's enjoying a happy life because of it. She's getting her degree. She's working a job she loves. She's hugging her daughter. She's happy. Really happy. Find your brave. Speak to someone. March past the people who are bullying you and refuse to listen. Find a way to get through the day...each and every day. You won't regret it. It'll be worth the struggle. Find your brave, and give yourself a chance to see your future. There are times when you think you are going to be riding into the sunset and your illness is in your rear view mirror. Then your illness hits you.
There are moments in life I have felt invincible from my illness. These past couple years I have been promoted multiple times, I have moved multiple times. I had my up and downs but not extreme. That is a lot of stress I got through. I was thinking, "I am a rock star. Maybe I have out grown my illness. Maybe my tools I have built are working and I'm over it." Then when I thought I have found a future stepping stone that would be great for my future I took it. I switched jobs, I moved towards more family, my schedule is great,I have been on vacations, my life style was supposed to sky rocket. I had the worst episode I have had in years. I could not find enjoyment when it was right in front of me. I was thinking what is wrong with me? I can see that I am suppose to be happy. I know this is what I wanted. Why Can't I be?? This episode I was in lasted for months and during it I could not figure out how to get out of it. I felt like all my tools I have built up were useless. All I kept thinking was fight harder, fight harder. Life can be happy and sad on the outside but my illness is on the inside. Even when you think you are invincible then you are reminded even the strongest need help sometimes. It is ok to ask for it. God knows I needed it. I had to redo a lot of my meds, try everything I had to figure out sleep, figure out how to live outside of my battles in my mind. It felt impossible at times and I have been dealing with this for close to 20 years. I cry sometimes knowing I have to deal with this my entire life. Now I am on the back end of my episode and thank God everyday for that. It is so hard when you are doing great to remind yourself of these times when you just can't. I know I can get better with every episode and try my hardest fighting the good fight because I am strong enough to fight through. Even though I might need help and am reminded of that every time. |
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