I imagine she thinks she’s being helpful, but the only thing I’ve experienced from her conversations is a deep feeling of hurt.
It’s the kind of hurt that never seems to heal.
When I’ve been hurt, something deep inside me cries out for justice. Thoughts of “defend yourself” pound their way from my heart to my mouth, and I usually end up saying things that make the situation worse.
These conversations never seem to be easy, but, oh, how I wish they were.
There’s a proverb that tells us, “A gentle answer turns away wrath.” According to this proverb, the key to stopping the sting of another’s words is to answer in a gentle manner. It’s just the opposite of what I want to do.
Maybe if I want different results, though, I need to do something differently.
When I listen to my nature and respond in defense, I focus on the anger and rejection I feel. Anger and rejection are feelings that tend to fester and infect my attitude and relationships.
When I respond gently, I focus on loving and respecting the person. Love and respect have a healing quality to them. They heal my relationship with the person, and that helps dull the pain of their wounds.
Sometimes I need my eyes to be softened so I can see beyond my hurt. I need to see there are gifts hidden in these conflicts: gifts of grace, respect, and love. When I share those gifts with the people who cause me pain, I am not only helping them, but I’m also putting the salve of love on the deepest parts of my wounds.
And, oh, how those wounds need healing.