It’s the day after Christmas, and although many of you may not celebrate this holiday, I’m aware that there are other family celebrations happening around this time; and I know what that means. It means many of you are nursing some deep wounds today, afflicted by members of your family. Members you thought would give you love, but gave hate instead.
Perhaps it was an aunt who brought up the mistakes of your past, mistakes she can never forgive you for committing. Or maybe it was a grandparent who greeted other members of the family warmly and then barely acknowledged you. It might have been a group of cousins who chose to ignore and ostracize you from the family, letting you know they find you unworthy of their time or conversation.
Whatever the grievance, you are hurting and wondering why you are receiving such nasty treatment from people who are supposed to accept and encourage you. I want you to know that I’m thinking of you today, and I don’t have easy answers. Quite frankly, it makes me sick to see people act this way. You may wonder if it will ever get better. I can’t say. However, I do have a little piece of truth for you to hang onto in this moment, one you can repeat when the pangs of hurt come crashing over you:
“It reflects badly on them.”
Regardless of their reasons for being upset, their choosing to treat you badly instead of trying to solve their issue and repair a family connection reflects badly on their character - not yours. Remind yourself of this fact every time those nasty scenes replay in your mind. Then set some boundaries for yourself.
You do not have to allow people to bully you, even if they are family. Respect them? Yes. Retaliate? No. Give yourself space from them? By all means, yes! And if they decide to repair the relationship? Should we forgive them, even after the years of hurt they’ve caused? Yes. Let’s offer them the grace they should have been showing us. They are family, after all. Until then, friends, keep being yourselves. You are worthy of love just as you are, even when you’re different from your family.
Perhaps it was an aunt who brought up the mistakes of your past, mistakes she can never forgive you for committing. Or maybe it was a grandparent who greeted other members of the family warmly and then barely acknowledged you. It might have been a group of cousins who chose to ignore and ostracize you from the family, letting you know they find you unworthy of their time or conversation.
Whatever the grievance, you are hurting and wondering why you are receiving such nasty treatment from people who are supposed to accept and encourage you. I want you to know that I’m thinking of you today, and I don’t have easy answers. Quite frankly, it makes me sick to see people act this way. You may wonder if it will ever get better. I can’t say. However, I do have a little piece of truth for you to hang onto in this moment, one you can repeat when the pangs of hurt come crashing over you:
“It reflects badly on them.”
Regardless of their reasons for being upset, their choosing to treat you badly instead of trying to solve their issue and repair a family connection reflects badly on their character - not yours. Remind yourself of this fact every time those nasty scenes replay in your mind. Then set some boundaries for yourself.
You do not have to allow people to bully you, even if they are family. Respect them? Yes. Retaliate? No. Give yourself space from them? By all means, yes! And if they decide to repair the relationship? Should we forgive them, even after the years of hurt they’ve caused? Yes. Let’s offer them the grace they should have been showing us. They are family, after all. Until then, friends, keep being yourselves. You are worthy of love just as you are, even when you’re different from your family.
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