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Blog

Please Don't Give Up!

5/27/2015

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I'm 14. I've been depressed for months now. Everything I look at, I just always think, "I could die with that."

      I've been wanting to die.
      I don't really want to live. I know I don't.


My ex-boyfriend broke up with me when I first started getting depressed, and all my friends left me.
I don't really talk to anyone anymore because I don't know what to do. Most of the time I just sit in my room alone and listen to music. There are many days that it helps, but not lately.

I don't sleep more then 3 hours in a night. Most of the time I don't sleep at all. I'm up crying and begging God to take me. Begging Him to let me free of this painful life. Nothing's been the same and it doesn't help that I'm losing a lot of the people who I really, really care about.

I don't want to go through with this pain anymore. But I'm giving up. I've lost hope in ever getting better. I can't really tell how I feel most days. The biggest feeling I ever have is sad and it's a constant sadness.

       It doesn't ever go away.
       Nothing makes me happy anymore.
      I can't even make myself happy.


I'm going to a counselor, but... it doesn't seem to be working.


My dear, hurting friend.  Please don't give up.

This pain won't last forever. It will get better, even though you don't feel like it will.
Those of us who have been through this before are reaching out to you.  Take our hand and let us help you hang on.

We know how you feel. You feel less than.

Less than pretty enough.
Less than good enough.
Less than capable enough of hanging on for one more day.

But we are here to let you know that you are more than.

More than pretty with the special characteristics that are uniquely you.
More than good enough for people to love.
More than capable of walking through the darkness and coming out the other side a stronger person.

You are crying to God and begging Him to take you, but let's change that prayer.  Close your eyes and ask Him to show you how much you are loved.  Because you are. You are loved more than you know.

Believe me.  I know what I'm talking about.  I've been there, my friend.

Please be courageous- wind our stories of hope around your hand and let them help you hang on.

You matter to us!
Whatever you need to get better- please search for it.

We'll be here through all of it. 
You are too important to lose.

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A Mended Heart

5/9/2015

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He left his ugly prints upon my heart,
A new smudge appearing with every sickening touch.

Each night, forcing his way uninvited,
whispering words of evil wrapped in love.

Trust left long ago on little girl feet, fleeing to a safer hiding place.

The destruction he leaves is ugly.
I sweep the shattered pieces into a dark corner and hope no one notices.

Everything changes the day someone appears
and whispers into my soul the hope of pieces getting mended.

She tells me her story and slowly exposes her heart so I can see.
My shaking fingers trace each lovely piece.

Cracks of betrayal filled with forgiveness.
Cracks of mistrust filled with strength.
Cracks of memories filled with healing.

"It's so lovely," I think.

I want this for me.

The process of mending stretches my time and my patience.
I long for a quick fix, and I fill the urge to reach for something shiny.

A pill.
A bottle.
A relationship.

Those shiny things won't repair my heart and restore its splendor.

So I push on, allowing someone to come and help me sand the rough edges,
filling each crack with healing.

I tell myself I can finally do it.
I can reveal my heart to others and let them marvel at the beauty of its wholeness.

"I am mended," I whisper, "Come and see."
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