Cynthia Downing Finlay


I can’t sleep tonight. I keep getting the nudge to share this photo and my story with you.
Today was a hard day. Chaos. Frustrations. Tears.
I found myself crying in my parked car. Nowhere to go. Just needing to be alone for a minute and get it out. Our lives have been turned upside down, and everything looks different now. We are living in the unknown.
I find myself living in the pendulum of grief and gratitude. They are existing together and that metal ball is swinging so fast I don’t know who has the upper hand right now.
And I’m here to just acknowledge that. To share from both sides. To say that we all exist in a word of “and”.
I’m grieving and I’m grateful.
I’m blessed and this is hard.
I’m capable and overwhelmed.
All the emotions, all the hard and all the simple - exist together. We don’t live on one side or the other of that pendulum. And no matter where you find yourself swinging today, you are safe to acknowledge it.
What two emotions are currently co-existing in your pendulum?

Hi,

I'm a teen and I struggle with multiple mental illnesses, mostly because of my past. I have PTSD very bad from my dad and a sexual assault. I also have bipolar disorder. It's not like everyone says, it's very annoying, and hard to manage.

I have had very negative thoughts out of the blue. I, later in life, have realized there was always a underlying cause it seemed. I have been "diagnosed" with many things because I wasn't honest about things that had happened or what I was thinking. I was put on strong medication that has had long term affects with my brain. But I'm doing good now, because I was honest about things going on.

Now just because I'm doing good doesn't mean I don't have my bad days. That's what I want everyone to understand to not get upset because you had a bad day it's all about one step at a time. You fall and you come back up.

I remember when I was younger, I had no money, messed up family and everyone told me I couldn't make it. I got weird stares and rude comments. I failed in life numerous times. I tried to commient suicide twice and almost died twice. But for some reason I'm still alive. I'm now learning what my destiny will be.

I struggled for 4 years with everything you can think of: PTSD, mental illness, abuse, depression, addiction, and self harm. I lost a girlfriend to suicide in January. But, no, it hasn't stopped me yet. I'm not planning to be a police officer, but I want to help others. What I'm trying to explain is, you can come from nothing and still make it.  You can have horrible days but there is still always that chance of an amazing future and most of the time that is up to you!

Stay strong and remember :

Suicide is a permanent answer to a temporary problem!

Think about that, really think about what could happen if you try!

If no one else said they loved you today, I do, mainly because if you're reading this you're probably looking for help and that is the best step. Also, I know you're strong if you can relate to anything I've said.

Dear Teen,
Thank you for sharing your story and giving us words of hope.  It always touches my heart to see people reaching out and helping one another.  I'm sure many teens will be inspired to hear how you've persevered through tough situations and found yourself stronger. Well done, my friend, well done.