Experts tell us that If we get to know one another we will find we have more in common than we think. So the story I’m telling myself right now is that you struggle with self-esteem as much as I do, and that by putting me down you somehow find the validation you’re lacking. I guess subconsciously you believe that if you can get others to focus on me, they won’t notice the weaknesses in you.However, we both know this isn’t true because people are experts at finding weaknesses in one another,

Since we all have weaknesses and struggle with self-doubt (a very human condition,) I’m deciding to forgive you. Yes, I forgive you for the comments over my appearance; the eye rolls over my opinions; the snickers at my errors, and the half-truths you’ve spread. Obviously, you must be hurting terribly in order to do such hateful things to another.

And don’t worry. You won’t see me repeating these things for revenge. I know what it feels like to receive such treatment, and I don’t think it’s right to treat others this way.

I am not going to lecture you either. Heaven knows I have just as many issues as you do that need to be dealt with. Instead, I am choosing to distance myself from you, but not before I give you a piece of advice: Rise up and know your worth.

You’re worth is not determined by the opinion of others – nor by the position you have on the scale of beauty, talent, popularity and wealth. My worth isn’t determined by these scales either. You see, our worth comes from being human and having a unique take on the world. No one has our same story or insight- same set of talents and perspectives. We are uniquely us. I think we will all be happier when we start to realize the value of ourselves and others.

After months of researching bullying and trying to write a story for the victims, I've come to a firm realization:  You have a better chance of getting through life if you have a tribe of people who support you. 

Life can be downright messy at times, and we're all going to have those days--

Days where our hearts will be hurt by people we care about.
Days we don't think we have the energy to face.
Days that feel as if we've been dragged through the streets behind a large truck.

During those times we need to reach out and talk to people.  We need to find people who will speak words of life and hope into our mess.  This is the crucial part.

It's easy to find people who will commiserate with us—grumble and complain whenever we need someone to join us in our  misery.  It's much harder to find people who will support us in our healing. If you have someone in your life who speaks truth and encouragement over you, hold onto them.  Be open to them. Listen to them.

I don't know where I'd be without my tribe.  Whenever I'm having "a day," these ladies are a text away.  Their words bring comfort and help.  I've learned from their advice, and I've cherished their visits to support me.  I'm the woman I am today because of the love they've poured into my life.

That's what tribes do—they pour into our lives and help us become stronger.  ​

This lovely girl is my daughter.  Hidden beneath her smile is a real joy for life, but it wasn't always this way.  It's hard to be excited about life when you're being bullied, and this girl was bullied throughout middle school and high school. In those days, her smile hid a pain that was too deep for words, and it made her attempt suicide on more than one occasion.  

Luckily, she survived... Every. Single. Try.

Man, how thankful I am she lived—not just because she's my daughter and I love her—but because she's the bravest girl I know, and I admire her so much!  What spirit she has!  What strength!  What beauty she showed as she rose above the crisis!

Those days were difficult, I won't lie.  But in the middle of the battle, my girl found her brave—and she's enjoying a happy life because of it.  She's getting her degree.  She's working a job she loves.  She's hugging her daughter.

She's happy.  Really happy.  

Find your brave. 

Speak to someone.  March past the people who are bullying you and refuse to listen.   Find a way to get through the day...each and every day.  You won't regret it.  It'll be worth the struggle.

Find your brave, and give yourself a chance to see your future.  

Is it possible to bully someone without saying a word?   I find myself wondering that today, and I keep landing on the same answer:  yes. In fact, I think it's one of the cruelest forms of abuse I've seen, as it cuts at the core of every human's need to be acknowledged, accepted, and loved.

Over the Christmas holiday,  I watched an entire family ignore one of their family members.  This young man sat on the couch for most of the day, quietly watching the other family members hug and talk to one another.  He sat there for hours without any interaction.  In the past, this family has justified their treatment of this relative by saying no one likes him.  He's weird.  He's different.  He doesn't fit in with the family. He's always been strange. They end their conversation with the phrase, "It's so sad."  I guess that's the one thing on which we all agree.  It is so sad.  It's so sad seeing someone who has been through a lot of trauma get treated cruelly by his family.

I've tried giving them the benefit of the doubt. I've tried telling myself that maybe they've forgotten that holidays bring back memories of dead relatives, and they didn't realize he was feeling sad and wishing he could celebrate with his father one more time.  Or perhaps they didn't take time to consider he was looking forward to seeing his family and having a warm, happy experience.

But should those things really matter? Doesn't every human being deserve to be spoken to politely and shown warmth over the holidays from their family members?  Especially from family members who complain loudly about the intolerance of the future President Trump?  

I'm not sure this family's definition of tolerance matches my own. However, there is one thing I'm sure about. Tolerance begins at home, and it starts with being kind to family members, even those who think and act differently than the rest of their family.  Kindness trumps hate everywhere, even at home.

​Did you know that bullying usually stops within 10 seconds after a bystander gets involved?

That's why it's important for all of us to get involved. It takes courage to speak up against bullying. but it's the right thing to do.

When one person speaks out against the bullying, it gives everyone the courage to add their support and take a stand.