I am from journals. 
From pages of dreams and scribbles of frustration.

I am from diagnoses on paper
(tangible proof of a hidden illness I desperately wish would heal.)

I am from pain and sleepless nights.
From pulling myself up by the boots and forging on.
(Despite the fatigue,
Despite the looks from those who couldn't possibly understand,
Despite the words from those who choose not to.)

I am from faith.
From choosing to be kind and choosing to be humble.

I am from a mind and a heart that believes
the best days of my life have not yet been realized.
(So I'm strengthened, 
and very, very grateful for another day and another opportunity
to live my best life.)

​I am from hope.



​https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/courage-man-jump-through-gap-hill-business-concept-idea_1151013.htm

What does depression feel like?
Feeling sad and not knowing why.
Empty
A weight in my chest
Feeling hopeless
Constantly tearful or irritable
Unsteady sleep and eating habits
Dark and overwhelming
Inconsistent
Like being in a hole and I have no way out
A heavy weight

​What does it mean to have bipolar disorder?
Sometimes exhausting
I like mania because I’m on top of the world
The depression piece that comes after the highs means I can’t make myself get out of bed
Your world changes in a minutes and irrational thoughts become your reality
 
What does anxiety look like?
Tense, stressful
Racing mind and thoughts
Feeling overwhelmed
My mind shuts down and I am uncontrollably crying
Crying
Rushed, insecure, unbalanced, unprepared
Shaking
Fluttering in my chest
Aching body

How do you quiet the negative thoughts or voices? Or If your mind doesn’t shut off, what do you do?
Redirect to preferred activities
Use tools like puzzles, rings spinners to help distract in the moment
Distraction
Listen closely to lyrics in music
Deep breathing
Counting
Take a walk
Breathe
Play some word games
Listen to music
Positive mantras and affirmations
Find a friend to talk to who helps me know what’s accurate
Turn the negative thoughts to positive thoughts like I suck at math to this was only one test.  I can learn
Music to help me through the emotions
Listen to podcast
Take a walk
I play my drums
Meditation
 
What do you do when you can’t sleep?
Progressive relaxation exercise
Count sheep
Music
Deep breathing or guided meditation
Cuddle my animals
Play music
Exercise
Slow down and try to watch something low key like discovery channel
Try to stop the negative voices
Listen to music
 
 

 

 

Experts tell us that If we get to know one another we will find we have more in common than we think. So the story I’m telling myself right now is that you struggle with self-esteem as much as I do, and that by putting me down you somehow find the validation you’re lacking. I guess subconsciously you believe that if you can get others to focus on me, they won’t notice the weaknesses in you.However, we both know this isn’t true because people are experts at finding weaknesses in one another,

Since we all have weaknesses and struggle with self-doubt (a very human condition,) I’m deciding to forgive you. Yes, I forgive you for the comments over my appearance; the eye rolls over my opinions; the snickers at my errors, and the half-truths you’ve spread. Obviously, you must be hurting terribly in order to do such hateful things to another.

And don’t worry. You won’t see me repeating these things for revenge. I know what it feels like to receive such treatment, and I don’t think it’s right to treat others this way.

I am not going to lecture you either. Heaven knows I have just as many issues as you do that need to be dealt with. Instead, I am choosing to distance myself from you, but not before I give you a piece of advice: Rise up and know your worth.

You’re worth is not determined by the opinion of others – nor by the position you have on the scale of beauty, talent, popularity and wealth. My worth isn’t determined by these scales either. You see, our worth comes from being human and having a unique take on the world. No one has our same story or insight- same set of talents and perspectives. We are uniquely us. I think we will all be happier when we start to realize the value of ourselves and others.

I heard a story yesterday that made me proud of you.  After hearing a health discussion on the topic of suicide, a boy confessed to his friend that he had tried committing suicide twice in the past.  The friend, after arriving home later that day, proceeded to tell his mother.  "I know from our health discussion I need to tell a trusted adult," he explained, "so that's what I'm doing."  

His mom nodded, and then this young man did something great.  He checked to make sure his mother was going to do something.  "You're going to do something, right?" he inquired,  "I need to make sure; because if you aren't, I'm going to find someone else." His mom assured him she would talk to the school counselor the next day.  When she warned him of a possible fallout with his friend, he said, "That's okay, because the option of not doing anything would have a worse ending."

At school the next day, this friend was confronted by the depressed teen who asked if he was the one who had told.  The friend shook his head yes.  Then the hurting teen said it was okay.  "It's for the best," he said, "I think it's going to help me."  

It may feel awkward, but finding support for your friend is one of the most heroic, kind things you can do.  And accepting that help is one of the bravest.  Bravo to these two boys and all the rest of you who are reaching out and supporting one another.  You make us proud. 

by Emily Krueger

​I don’t own a scale, and I’m not going to buy one in 2019.  I’m not going to purchase a gym membership, begin a skin regimen that’s supposed to make me look like a Hollywood Starlet, or strive to make more money.

I guess you could say I’m a resolution rebel, and you’d be right. After all, I’m not choosing one of the common resolutions for my new year.  Instead, I’m choosing to work on being the best me I can be ─ and by “best me” I mean the person I am on the inside.

I’ll begin by determining what I value.  I’ll look at a list of values and pick three or four that really resonate with me, and then I’ll write them down as follows:  


Integrity, Love, Faith, Generosity


Next, I’ll use this list to guide me in every situation.  I’ll ask myself, “Am I acting with integrity? Am I demonstrating love?  Do my actions fit with my faith? Is there a way I can be more generous? 

Yes, 2019 will not be a year of “cutting out” for me. Instead, it will be a year of adding more of what I value.  Maybe you’ll also want a year of "adding more." In that case, rebel, I’ll attached a list of values to help you in your quest.

May we both become the best version of ourselves this year, and may we find a year of happiness waiting for us. Blessings, my friend.

I have a confession to make. In five months I’ll be thirty and my life is nowhere near what I had imagined it to be. Of course I imagined something like the all-American Dream: being successful, getting married, and owning a house. But here I am - not married and sadly living in a wallet-draining apartment. I'm not trying to be negative, I'm just stating facts.

In the last year of my twenties, I’ve wasted countless days listening to the harassment of negative thoughts and allowing them to continue to haunt me and ruin my every day.

"He won't marry me."
"I am not worthy."
"I am not successful."
"I will never graduate from college."
" I am not smart enough."
" I will never make enough money to own my own home."
" I AM JUST NOT good enough to successfully complete such dreams."

Yes, I have spent the last year of my twenties battling these thoughts EVERY SINGLE DAY. These thoughts have done nothing for me besides keep me from successfully fulfilling my dreams, so much so, that I haven’t been to school in the last 6 months and I’ve reconsidered why I am even going to school. I've lost touch with the hope of getting married and owning a home. I've settled for just the idea of living in an apartment for the rest of my life.

Worst of all, I've stopped seeing the beauty in life and enjoying how little things such as sunshine, rainbows, and flowers can be so big and exciting to someone like my daughter. Why am I not optimistic like my 9 year old child? When this little sweetie had a really bad cold and couldn’t smell or taste anything, she said to me with eyes full of tears, “Mom, I can’t even smell the flowers!”

Why can’t I be like that? It's not like my daughter doesn't have difficulties in her life.  She has some real challenges to overcome.  But she doesn't focus on those things. She focuses on the good in her life. Imagine, what it would be like if we lived our lives like she does, and our worst worry was not being able to smell the flowers or enjoy sunshine and rainbows? 

Soon enough I’ll be turning 30, and today I am saying NO and refusing to waste another day listening to my negative thoughts. My life story may be written a little differently than others, but I won't let it stop me from continuing to pursue my dreams. It may take a little longer, I may not be where I dreamed I'd be by now, but I am still continuing its course. I won't give up. I'm choosing to focus on the good.

What about you? I know you don't want to waste another day spinning in negativity. You, too, can change your thinking. I dare you to make a change. Say NO to those negative thoughts. Say YES to being optimistic. And tomorrow... how about we both wake up and smell some flowers.?

Someone once told me, "It's ok to grieve. Grieving is normal."

What do they know?

My heart is overwhelmed with emotions today. Facebook reminded me that exactly one year ago my grandpa passed away.

Thanks Facebook.

My grandpa died of Alzheimers disease. It's a really hideous disease.

I wont go on about every single detail of his passing but I will share with you something I experienced during and after.

I had just gotten off work when I was told he only had a few days left to live. It was a long time coming, however, it felt so sudden. My family and I immediately put our lives on hold and fastened our seat-belts for a long road trip to California.

When we arrived, I promptly searched for grandpa. My eyes met his. He looked frail, malnourished, and withered, although, I recognized him. I found him curled up in a hospital bed in his living room where his recliner usually sits. I gently touched his hand and whispered "I love you grandpa" in hopes that somehow wherever life takes us when we pass, he will always remember how much he is loved. I saw that he recognized me but he didn’t remember my name. That was hard. But he still knew that I was someone, someone special to him.

There was a good handful of us family members that spent every waking and sleeping hours supporting each other and caring for grandpa. During these days, we reminisced on old memories, laughed, cried, sang, prayed and most importantly, put aside anything that may have caused conflict in the past.

This was the first death in my family and I felt afraid for how his death would effect everyone. A death in the family is scary and hard to imagine how life can go on without this special person that meant so much to so many people.
After he passed, I drove 11.5 hours home by myself. I spent lots of time collecting thoughts on how I wish I had more time with grandpa and if I had the choice, I would live close to all of my family. One thing I am certain is the love we had for grandpa brought us together and shed light on what family really means.

As life goes on, I’ve gone back and forth with feelings of being ok and then feeling sadness and grief over grandpa. I don’t think anyone ever “gets over” grief over the  loss of a loved one, but I do know that everyone can keep putting one foot forward everyday. Maybe this is what people mean when they say, “It’s ok to grieve. Grieving is normal.”
​
I can’t forget the suffering my grandpa went through before his passing, but I certainly don’t remember him by that. When I think of my grandpa I always remember his loud deep singing voice and his silly high pitched giggle. I am just happy to have this memory and that I feel like I can still hear it when I imagine it. Even that’s motivation to keep moving forward. I will forever miss you grandpa and I will forever smile in your memory. 

​

Recently, I was sitting in a meeting, listening to someone share their story and—WHAM! I was triggered.  My breathing slowed, my hands got sweaty, and I began to panic.

Suddenly, memories (and the intense feelings that went with them) came flooding back. It happened in a matter of seconds, and I found myself wanting to flee those old traumatic experiences once more.

When triggers hit, it's hard because they make us feel out of control. They remind us of hurtful things— things we don't want to relive. We can find ourselves reacting in ways we don't want to react, such as lashing out at our friends or pulling away from loved ones. Reacting to triggers in this way doesn't mean we're crazy or that something is wrong with us.  It means we're human, and it's a normal response to trauma.

Fortunately, if we're aware of our triggers, we can learn how to respond appropriately.  I know when I go to my meeting tomorrow, I am going to face a situation that will trigger those memories again.  This time, however, I'm going in prepared.  I'm going to take a short walk ahead of time, so I can burn off some of my anxiety.  I'm going to take a warm, comforting drink with me and have something in my hand I can fiddle with.  These are some of the things that help me stay calm.

Knowing which things help soothe our nerves is helpful in situations such as these.   It's also helpful to know our triggers and how they make us respond.  Self-regulating can help us avoid the intense feelings and behaviors, and help us choose healthier and more constructive responses. 

Some days will be hard.  You'll be angry, scared, anxious and lonely.  You'll wonder if you'll ever be happy.  If you'll ever be loved.  If you'll ever be worthy.

Then good days will come, and you'll forget about those worries. Life will feel good. You'll have small successes, and you'll feel happy.  

And you know what?  That's okay.  It's how life rolls with it's mixture of pain and pleasure.  We are all a work in progress, trying our best to navigate the waves life sends us...trying our best to figure out who we are.  

Your roller coaster of emotions doesn't make you different or alone—they make you human. They make you just like the rest of us.

Keep being strong.  Keep being brave.  Keep pushing forward.  But most of all, keep believing.