I’ve just finished reading a tweet that's got me thinking about the new year:

We have only a few hours to give some serious thought about whether or not we're going to take 2015's offenses into even 5 minutes of 2016.

Excitement is beginning to build.
  
       We can decide what we want to carry into our new year?

The thought of walking into a fresh, clean year without the hurts from the past makes me excited.

Yes, I know some of the difficult issues in my life will remain, and they will continue to hurt me at times. That's just how it is. But walking into the new year without any worry distracting me will enable me see a world of possibilities ahead.  It'll give me some hope.

When hope comes in, it pushes out the darkness and makes the heart light. 
It whispers what no one else can hear.
It says, "You can turn it around."
You’ve got this.
You can break that habit.
You can repair those relationships.
You can feel happy again.
 
Hope is the ingredient that brings dreams to pass.
We can’t live without it.
 
That's why I'm walking into the new year with hope.
I'm grasping it tightly, and I'm letting go of that other stuff:

Every offense and hurt.
Been there.  Worried about it.  Done.

Hope makes me smile.  Hope pushes me forward.  Hope scatters joyful seeds of possibilities all over my future.

It's a wonderful word.
It's a perfect word for 2016.

It's a word I'm willing to share if you'll join me.

Take a paper and write down everything that's causing you pain and worry.  Label it 2015.
Fold the paper and rip it into a million tiny pieces. Okay, I'm exaggerating, but it'd feel good, wouldn't it?
Now take another paper and label it 2016.

      Look at the lovely emptiness, so full of possibilities. 
      Yes, good things are in store for both of us.  I can feel it.

 As Christopher Reeve once said, "Once you choose hope, anything’s possible."

Welcome to the year of possibilities, friend.  Happy 2016.

​Dear friend in Florida,

Maybe you're afraid to tell someone because you don't want to be judged.

Maybe you think others will believe you deserve it, since it's being done by a family member.

Maybe you're so tired from the stress, you just want to tuck yourself under a blanket and forget about the pain and hateful words...
the fighting... 
the explaining...
the defending.

My encouragement to you is this:

You deserve love. Not for any other reason, other than you’re human and your life is priceless. 

Please know there is never a good reason for someone to bully you, not even for family members.  

Bullying done in the name of love is still bullying. Don't make excuses for them. Their nit-picking, put downs, constant criticism, lack of affection, complaining to others about you, silent treatment and hitting are all forms of abuse.  

It's abuse you don't have to take.

It's okay to seek refuge for yourself, especially when you are being physically harmed. Remove yourself from the situation when you see things escalating.  Go lock yourself in the bathroom or walk out the door and leave.  

Did you hear me, friend? Leave if you are in an unsafe situation.  Get someone to help you if you are afraid to do it alone.
You can do this.

You are strong,
You are brave,
You can do hard things.

You are valued.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.  Please know you are not alone.
We're here if you need us.

​Not a lot to say today, but this, my sweet friends:

Hope is only one step away.

Dear Teens Finding Hope,
 
Why do I hate my dad? Well, there are many reasons why I hate him. I'm just not sure where to start. I hate his short temper, how he always bursts out of nowhere and starts yelling at me. I hate the way he talks, as if he has gone through everything, as if he knows everything, as if no one else has ever faced anything like he’s had to go through. He's wrong. He knows nothing. There are billions of people out there who have faced hardships in their life, they learned millions of things, and probably also came across things that my dad learned and has kept as good experience and knowledge for himself. However, what they learned and he did not is how to use words to solve problems. What distinguishes my dad from other successful people? Well, it's that tendency to use violence to solve every problem.

The memories of my dad yelling at me, hitting me, swearing and screaming at my face when I was younger, are still very vivid in my mind. There are probably so many more other things, but that's all I know, or at least remember about the past that is starting to reappear in my present. I guess that's just the way he is: hot temper, arrogant, violent person. That is my dad, and he will probably never change.

I go backward from other people who learned that money is important, but then later on realized that it's not as important as they've always thought. But for me, I thought money wasn't important. I thought money couldn’t buy you everything. I realize now that money is important, and it is the only way that can buy me a ticket out of this oppressive, restricted world where the only way I was taught to solve a problem is violence. 
 
Anonymous
 
 
Dear Anonymous,
 
It’s hard seeing other families being loving and supporting to one another, while yours is not. It doesn’t seem fair.  And you know what?  It isn’t fair, and it’s okay to have strong feelings about it.  It’s okay to hurt.  Wounds from family members take a long time to heal, but the good news is….
 
Wounds heal.
 
It’s funny you wrote this letter now, because I’ve been reading a book about this very thing.  It’s called, Life’s Healing Choices, and it has eight steps to help you overcome hurts from the past. And you know what?  It’s working.
 
Let me share with you something I’ve learned from my own experience:

• You can’t take personally your father’s mistakes.
•  You can’t control him. 
• You can’t fix him, and you can’t change the past.

But you can forgive.

Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting about what happened and letting your dad “off- of-the-hook” for his actions.  It means letting go, so when you think of the past, it doesn’t hurt you anymore.  It means letting go, so you can move forward. It means not holding onto that experience anymore, allowing the emotions of it whip you around and strangle the joy out of you.

It’s not easy to forgive. It’s painful work, and I found it helpful to get a friend to go through the steps with me. She helped me pray through the process, and provides support whenever I feel vulnerable.  I’m smiling right now, because I know how good it feels to finally let it go and not have those horrible memories going through my mind.  You can have this freedom, too. You can.

You can also set boundaries.

 Not to punish, but to work toward a healthy relationship with your father. And if you have to, love him from a distance in order to keep yourself emotionally safe.  Depending on family customs in your country, this may or may not be an easy thing to do.  If you can’t get physical distance from your father, perhaps you can find a safe place in your home to use as a refuge for when you need to get away from his violence.

It sounds like you love your dad and wish for a relationship that’s filled with respect, love and support.  If he didn’t change and you did, would that be enough to make this loving relationship happen?  I don’t know.  But I do know this:  It would make you feel better.
And I want you to feel better.  I want the pain to melt away from you so you can enjoy your future. 

I'm hoping you find a way to work through this hurt and emerge on the other side.  Find a book, a class or a friend to help you.  You won't regret it.

Blessings,

​Sherry