Imagine you were home sick for a week and when you went back to school, your best friend didn't want to speak to you or hang out anymore.  Boom!  Just like that you've found yourself in the middle of friend drama, sitting alone at lunch and wondering what could have happened . 

     Does this sound familiar? I was describing something that happened to a friend of mine recently, but it's a tale as old as time. Most of us have stories about friend drama.  Drama seems to go with hormones, which is something all of us have.  Knowing this fact doesn't help the pain you feel in those situations, though, does it? I agree.  These situations are always awkward and painful. 

     I wish I could tell you there was one magic strategy for resolving the situation with your friend, but there isn't.  What works in one case may not work in another.  I will tell you this, however.  There is one thing that can make things much worse:  your words.

     What you say right now matters more than you think.  Hurtful words can live forever in people's minds.  Years later you are going to be able to recall all of the angry and terrible words spoken to you.  This is true for your friend, also.  Sometimes the memories of those words will bring up just as much pain as they did when they were first spoken. 

       If you truly want to be friends with this person and get things back to where they were, keep your words kind. Don't say things you will regret later on or will cause them pain long after you have spoken them.  Even if they  speak or text nasty things, don't return any of your own.  Yes, it's hard and it seems unfair, but it's the best way to show your friend that you are one.  

      Resolving issues can take time. While you are waiting, be kind to yourself, as well.  Speak positive things over yourself, and enjoy the other friends and family members who are encouraging you. Do things you love.  You'll get through this tough period. You will.  And if you both decide in the end that this friendship isn't worth saving, you can walk away guilt-free, knowing you did everything in your power to be there for them. 

     

     

By Emily Krueger

     My friend recently said to me: “Every year, I say ‘next year will be a better year’ and I really believe it when I say it. But I can’t seem to voice the words this year. After all the tragic and awful things, I fear that this year will just roll into the next. It doesn’t feel over yet.”

     I couldn’t agree with her more. It doesn’t feel over yet. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but my friend is right. It isn’t over yet. As we enter a new year, the awfulness of 2020 can’t be stomped on or thrown away. For many of us, 2020 left scars that we’ll have to live with everyday. Truth be told, we will once again find ourselves standing on the frontlines of a new war, but who wins the battle depends on us.

     So here’s my proposal, instead of DEPENDING on what the new year will bring to us, how about we DEPEND on ourselves and what we bring to the new year. What kind of “weapons” can we bring with us as we enter 2021 in preparation of a new war?

    If you’ve been knocked down this year and got back up again, you’re carrying the weapon of resilience. How about self care? If you’re actively taking care of yourself, you’re claiming the weapon of value. Every single person has value. Take hold of that weapon. How about spiritual? Do you meditate? Have faith in a higher power? Then you’re carrying a weapon that no problem can fight against. Look out 2021!

     Who is standing alongside you in these battles? This is your backup team. Talk to them, let them in. Claim your weapons. Make amends with your weapons as you enter the new year. Prepare to fight. Stand tall. Don’t give up. No battle is too great for you and your weapons. You've got this.

With everything that is going on in our world—Corona Virus, Racial Injustice, Protests, people have a lot they are processing. 

I am wondering how I can truly understand the racial injustice piece.  You see I come from white privilege.  I was born into a middle-class white family.  I can’t apologize for that, but I need to understand that I have an unearned advantage.  I have what Peggy McIntosh, an associate director of the Wellesley College Center for Research on Women, refers to as “An Invisible Knapsack of White Privilege.” I have assets inside like code books, guidebooks and blank checks that unknowingly I have used all my life.  I grew up in a neighborhood with people like me-white. I never had to worry about the color of my skin.  I never worried about people following me around in a store, I didn’t worry that I wouldn’t be accepted in my neighborhood because of my skin color. If I did get pulled over by the police I got the benefit of doubt.  

All of this happened without me even thinking about it.  It is only in my later years did I realize all that I have in my life.  Honestly, some of this realization didn’t happen until we adopted 2 foreign born children who did not have our same skin color.  With one adoption we lived in a rural community in Montana and our child was the only Asian individual at their school.  I’m not saying I fully understood then, but it started opening my eyes to our world. 

I believed if I treated everyone equally and with love, I was doing my part.  But sometimes when we hesitate or do nothing, we are signaling silence to the hurting.  Just being cool with everyone doesn’t mean we are advocating for anyone.  I think that is what these latest protests are helping me realize.  I don’t think the blame, shame or guilt game is a way to deal with this. I think we need to decide what we are comfortable doing—or maybe even uncomfortable. For some of us attending protests is a way to support, for others making donations, others make posters and signs.  We need to Listen, Learn and Advocate.  

So I’m going to take off my lens of white privilege and do something positive.  Do you have a lens that you use to view people or the world?  I challenge you to reach out in understanding and love.  We can change the world, even one interaction at a time.