Imagine you were home sick for a week and when you went back to school, your best friend didn't want to speak to you or hang out anymore.  Boom!  Just like that you've found yourself in the middle of friend drama, sitting alone at lunch and wondering what could have happened . 

     Does this sound familiar? I was describing something that happened to a friend of mine recently, but it's a tale as old as time. Most of us have stories about friend drama.  Drama seems to go with hormones, which is something all of us have.  Knowing this fact doesn't help the pain you feel in those situations, though, does it? I agree.  These situations are always awkward and painful. 

     I wish I could tell you there was one magic strategy for resolving the situation with your friend, but there isn't.  What works in one case may not work in another.  I will tell you this, however.  There is one thing that can make things much worse:  your words.

     What you say right now matters more than you think.  Hurtful words can live forever in people's minds.  Years later you are going to be able to recall all of the angry and terrible words spoken to you.  This is true for your friend, also.  Sometimes the memories of those words will bring up just as much pain as they did when they were first spoken. 

       If you truly want to be friends with this person and get things back to where they were, keep your words kind. Don't say things you will regret later on or will cause them pain long after you have spoken them.  Even if they  speak or text nasty things, don't return any of your own.  Yes, it's hard and it seems unfair, but it's the best way to show your friend that you are one.  

      Resolving issues can take time. While you are waiting, be kind to yourself, as well.  Speak positive things over yourself, and enjoy the other friends and family members who are encouraging you. Do things you love.  You'll get through this tough period. You will.  And if you both decide in the end that this friendship isn't worth saving, you can walk away guilt-free, knowing you did everything in your power to be there for them. 

     

     

Can I give you a piece of motherly advise?  The type of advise from someone who'd sacrifice everything for your well-being? Please view people you meet online as strangers, because they are — strangers.

Why am I telling you this? My family and I found ourselves in the middle of what felt like a bad movie. Even as I write this, I can't shake the surreal and anxious feelings that came with this particular circumstance.

Due to privacy, I won't share my family member's name, but I will tell you it involved a young teen and a very real need to feel connected after months of isolation. We thought that being holed up at home during the pandemic would ensure our teen's safety, but we were naive. This isolation allowed a stranger to enter our home and invade our sacred space.

Yes, he seemed innocent enough, coming over the technology with sweet talk and compliments, as strangers often will. He joked, played games, and empathized the way a friend would.  All of this attention made the teen feel wanted, appreciated, and warm inside. But those feelings didn't mean that the online person was a friend; they only meant that our teen was human.  This type of attention, regardless of where it's from, always feels great. Until it puts you in danger.

It wasn't long before this person over-stepped his bounds and showed his true colors, putting our teen at risk. It took us all by surprise.  Luckily, our family has a close relationship with one another and we were able to intervene. This time.  We're working hard to ensure there isn't a next time.

I'm not going to share all of the details because I want to come back to you, my friends. Believe the movies that show teens being persuaded to do dumb things by strangers online. You never think it's going to happen to you.  You think you'll be able to know if someone is scamming you or is intending to do you harm, but it's never that easy — not when strangers know how to make you feel safe and cared for. Not when strangers know how to pretend to be friends. 

They may be fun gaming partners.  They may be good flatterers.  They may even be the cutest entertainers you've ever seen.  But they remain strangers through all of it, or at best, acquaintances you know little about.

Since you can't always trust your instincts, make sure you tell family and friends about your acquaintances online. And if your family or friends have a bad instinct about them? Trust the people you know.  Hoping you stay safe out there, friends.

I've been sitting for a while in pain, watching the people close to me deal with the devastating affects of adversity.  Some are reeling from the loss of their home — others from the death of  a friend or relative.  One is drowning in the pain of racism, and another is drowning in the pain of cancer (now stealing the sweet toddler from her arms.) 

I feel powerless knowing I can't take away their pain.  None of us can. That's one of the hard parts about life and love and family and friendship.

Perhaps you've been there, watching people you love hurting and wanting with all of your heart to switch places with them and make it better.  What do you do when you can't?  When life demands everyone walk through the mess it's handing them?

The only thing I've been able to figure out is to show up. A text. A call. A visit. A meal. A care package. A listening ear. Sometimes it feels like it's not enough, but according to the ones suffering, it's appreciated and makes them feel loved.  That's one of people's greatest needs — to be loved.  It's comforting to know that something I can do will meet a deep need, even if it can't change the situation.

What does depression feel like?
Feeling sad and not knowing why.
Empty
A weight in my chest
Feeling hopeless
Constantly tearful or irritable
Unsteady sleep and eating habits
Dark and overwhelming
Inconsistent
Like being in a hole and I have no way out
A heavy weight

​What does it mean to have bipolar disorder?
Sometimes exhausting
I like mania because I’m on top of the world
The depression piece that comes after the highs means I can’t make myself get out of bed
Your world changes in a minutes and irrational thoughts become your reality
 
What does anxiety look like?
Tense, stressful
Racing mind and thoughts
Feeling overwhelmed
My mind shuts down and I am uncontrollably crying
Crying
Rushed, insecure, unbalanced, unprepared
Shaking
Fluttering in my chest
Aching body

How do you quiet the negative thoughts or voices? Or If your mind doesn’t shut off, what do you do?
Redirect to preferred activities
Use tools like puzzles, rings spinners to help distract in the moment
Distraction
Listen closely to lyrics in music
Deep breathing
Counting
Take a walk
Breathe
Play some word games
Listen to music
Positive mantras and affirmations
Find a friend to talk to who helps me know what’s accurate
Turn the negative thoughts to positive thoughts like I suck at math to this was only one test.  I can learn
Music to help me through the emotions
Listen to podcast
Take a walk
I play my drums
Meditation
 
What do you do when you can’t sleep?
Progressive relaxation exercise
Count sheep
Music
Deep breathing or guided meditation
Cuddle my animals
Play music
Exercise
Slow down and try to watch something low key like discovery channel
Try to stop the negative voices
Listen to music
 
 

 

 

Experts tell us that If we get to know one another we will find we have more in common than we think. So the story I’m telling myself right now is that you struggle with self-esteem as much as I do, and that by putting me down you somehow find the validation you’re lacking. I guess subconsciously you believe that if you can get others to focus on me, they won’t notice the weaknesses in you.However, we both know this isn’t true because people are experts at finding weaknesses in one another,

Since we all have weaknesses and struggle with self-doubt (a very human condition,) I’m deciding to forgive you. Yes, I forgive you for the comments over my appearance; the eye rolls over my opinions; the snickers at my errors, and the half-truths you’ve spread. Obviously, you must be hurting terribly in order to do such hateful things to another.

And don’t worry. You won’t see me repeating these things for revenge. I know what it feels like to receive such treatment, and I don’t think it’s right to treat others this way.

I am not going to lecture you either. Heaven knows I have just as many issues as you do that need to be dealt with. Instead, I am choosing to distance myself from you, but not before I give you a piece of advice: Rise up and know your worth.

You’re worth is not determined by the opinion of others – nor by the position you have on the scale of beauty, talent, popularity and wealth. My worth isn’t determined by these scales either. You see, our worth comes from being human and having a unique take on the world. No one has our same story or insight- same set of talents and perspectives. We are uniquely us. I think we will all be happier when we start to realize the value of ourselves and others.

I heard a story yesterday that made me proud of you.  After hearing a health discussion on the topic of suicide, a boy confessed to his friend that he had tried committing suicide twice in the past.  The friend, after arriving home later that day, proceeded to tell his mother.  "I know from our health discussion I need to tell a trusted adult," he explained, "so that's what I'm doing."  

His mom nodded, and then this young man did something great.  He checked to make sure his mother was going to do something.  "You're going to do something, right?" he inquired,  "I need to make sure; because if you aren't, I'm going to find someone else." His mom assured him she would talk to the school counselor the next day.  When she warned him of a possible fallout with his friend, he said, "That's okay, because the option of not doing anything would have a worse ending."

At school the next day, this friend was confronted by the depressed teen who asked if he was the one who had told.  The friend shook his head yes.  Then the hurting teen said it was okay.  "It's for the best," he said, "I think it's going to help me."  

It may feel awkward, but finding support for your friend is one of the most heroic, kind things you can do.  And accepting that help is one of the bravest.  Bravo to these two boys and all the rest of you who are reaching out and supporting one another.  You make us proud. 

After months of researching bullying and trying to write a story for the victims, I've come to a firm realization:  You have a better chance of getting through life if you have a tribe of people who support you. 

Life can be downright messy at times, and we're all going to have those days--

Days where our hearts will be hurt by people we care about.
Days we don't think we have the energy to face.
Days that feel as if we've been dragged through the streets behind a large truck.

During those times we need to reach out and talk to people.  We need to find people who will speak words of life and hope into our mess.  This is the crucial part.

It's easy to find people who will commiserate with us—grumble and complain whenever we need someone to join us in our  misery.  It's much harder to find people who will support us in our healing. If you have someone in your life who speaks truth and encouragement over you, hold onto them.  Be open to them. Listen to them.

I don't know where I'd be without my tribe.  Whenever I'm having "a day," these ladies are a text away.  Their words bring comfort and help.  I've learned from their advice, and I've cherished their visits to support me.  I'm the woman I am today because of the love they've poured into my life.

That's what tribes do—they pour into our lives and help us become stronger.  ​

A good friend told me that female elephants circle around other elephants when they need support. The elephants will gather around their friend and then turn their bodies so their tusks face outward. Creating a circle, they will make an impenetrable wall that provides support and protection for their vulnerable friend.

All of us need a circle of friends who gather around us when we're vulnerable. Will you be that person for someone else? Will you create a circle around your friend and help them be brave when their world becomes a threatening place? Will you be brave and advocate for your friend? On the flip side, when you're feeling vulnerable, will you speak of your distress so your friends can create a circle around you? Will you let them fight for you and encourage you?

It's time we redefined what bravery looks like.  Being brave should not be an individual endeavor.  Being brave should come from being in a community.  It should come from people stopping to link their arms in ours and help us to the finish line. It should come from friends surrounding us when we're hurting. 

Instead of surviving life alone, let's start circling around one another. It's easier to navigate life when we have people around to help us. Let's be brave together.

We find ourselves together,
Each one bearing the scars from our battles.

Wounded warriors

—Who refuse to give up.
—Who face our fears bravely and lend our strength when someone needs it.

We turn with open arms to those who are hurting and say,
"You are welcome here."
For we know the beauty in a person is found deep beneath their surface.

We listen when you vent
    laugh when you joke
    comfort when you cry
    and walk a mile in your shoes every day if it means it will help you

We've learned the pain of carrying secrets in our wounds is no match
for the hope we can find in the acceptance from another

​So we reach out to one another--
in coffee shops and hallways,
neighborhoods and blog posts,
bravely baring our souls and telling our stories

For we are warriors
Comforters
Menders
Friends

Who know the bravest thing we can do
is open our weaknesses to the scrutiny of another so all can find healing.

We come without judgement.
We come with our scars.
We come as we are.
​
"You are welcome here."

How are you?
 
Today must be hard.
I’m here for you.
 
Thinking of you.
 
I know things have been tough.
Don’t give up.
 
Remember, you are never alone.
I’m just a text away.
 
Better things are coming.
Hang in there.
 
The world may say, “Give up,”
but I say, “Try it one more time.”
 
I hope you realize how awesome you are.
 
Today is a new day. Let's seize it.

You can't stop the waves, but you can learn how to surf.

Remember: You are one of a kind and have
something great to offer.
 
Breathe.  It’s just a bad day, not a bad life.
 
Quote for the day: One small crack doesn’t mean you're broken. 
It means you didn’t fall apart.
 
Push through this. It’ll be worth it.
 
 You've got this.

If you need anything, I'm here.

You can always talk to me.  

May the force be with you, my friend.

I can't imagine my life without you!

You know what I love about you? 
I love...

Want to hang out?

​Three things:
You are not alone.
You are not weak.
You are worthy.

What a great day to overcome!

Your struggle is real, and so is your hope.

Another day to breathe.  Another day to heal.

Good morning, beautiful. Get ready for a great day.

Together, friend, we can do this.

Praying that you would be filled with strength and
peace today.

Note:  You are awesome just the way you are.

Life's problems wouldn't be called hurdles if there
weren't a way to get over them.

Believe you can and you're halfway there. --Theodore Roosevelt

Keep on swimming, swimming, swimming....

Don't worry your pretty, little mind.
People throw rocks at things that shine.

The best view comes after the hardest climb.

I've failed over and over and over again in life, and that
is why I succeed. - Michael Jordan

Believe in yourself just as you are.  Know that
there is something inside you that is greater than
any obstacle. - Christian D. Larson