Experts tell us that If we get to know one another we will find we have more in common than we think. So the story I’m telling myself right now is that you struggle with self-esteem as much as I do, and that by putting me down you somehow find the validation you’re lacking. I guess subconsciously you believe that if you can get others to focus on me, they won’t notice the weaknesses in you.However, we both know this isn’t true because people are experts at finding weaknesses in one another,

Since we all have weaknesses and struggle with self-doubt (a very human condition,) I’m deciding to forgive you. Yes, I forgive you for the comments over my appearance; the eye rolls over my opinions; the snickers at my errors, and the half-truths you’ve spread. Obviously, you must be hurting terribly in order to do such hateful things to another.

And don’t worry. You won’t see me repeating these things for revenge. I know what it feels like to receive such treatment, and I don’t think it’s right to treat others this way.

I am not going to lecture you either. Heaven knows I have just as many issues as you do that need to be dealt with. Instead, I am choosing to distance myself from you, but not before I give you a piece of advice: Rise up and know your worth.

You’re worth is not determined by the opinion of others – nor by the position you have on the scale of beauty, talent, popularity and wealth. My worth isn’t determined by these scales either. You see, our worth comes from being human and having a unique take on the world. No one has our same story or insight- same set of talents and perspectives. We are uniquely us. I think we will all be happier when we start to realize the value of ourselves and others.

Do you agree about how hard it is for teenagers to share their issues with adults?  What do you think would need to change in order for it to be easier?  

I have a confession to make. In five months I’ll be thirty and my life is nowhere near what I had imagined it to be. Of course I imagined something like the all-American Dream: being successful, getting married, and owning a house. But here I am - not married and sadly living in a wallet-draining apartment. I'm not trying to be negative, I'm just stating facts.

In the last year of my twenties, I’ve wasted countless days listening to the harassment of negative thoughts and allowing them to continue to haunt me and ruin my every day.

"He won't marry me."
"I am not worthy."
"I am not successful."
"I will never graduate from college."
" I am not smart enough."
" I will never make enough money to own my own home."
" I AM JUST NOT good enough to successfully complete such dreams."

Yes, I have spent the last year of my twenties battling these thoughts EVERY SINGLE DAY. These thoughts have done nothing for me besides keep me from successfully fulfilling my dreams, so much so, that I haven’t been to school in the last 6 months and I’ve reconsidered why I am even going to school. I've lost touch with the hope of getting married and owning a home. I've settled for just the idea of living in an apartment for the rest of my life.

Worst of all, I've stopped seeing the beauty in life and enjoying how little things such as sunshine, rainbows, and flowers can be so big and exciting to someone like my daughter. Why am I not optimistic like my 9 year old child? When this little sweetie had a really bad cold and couldn’t smell or taste anything, she said to me with eyes full of tears, “Mom, I can’t even smell the flowers!”

Why can’t I be like that? It's not like my daughter doesn't have difficulties in her life.  She has some real challenges to overcome.  But she doesn't focus on those things. She focuses on the good in her life. Imagine, what it would be like if we lived our lives like she does, and our worst worry was not being able to smell the flowers or enjoy sunshine and rainbows? 

Soon enough I’ll be turning 30, and today I am saying NO and refusing to waste another day listening to my negative thoughts. My life story may be written a little differently than others, but I won't let it stop me from continuing to pursue my dreams. It may take a little longer, I may not be where I dreamed I'd be by now, but I am still continuing its course. I won't give up. I'm choosing to focus on the good.

What about you? I know you don't want to waste another day spinning in negativity. You, too, can change your thinking. I dare you to make a change. Say NO to those negative thoughts. Say YES to being optimistic. And tomorrow... how about we both wake up and smell some flowers.?

Recently, I was sitting in a meeting, listening to someone share their story and—WHAM! I was triggered.  My breathing slowed, my hands got sweaty, and I began to panic.

Suddenly, memories (and the intense feelings that went with them) came flooding back. It happened in a matter of seconds, and I found myself wanting to flee those old traumatic experiences once more.

When triggers hit, it's hard because they make us feel out of control. They remind us of hurtful things— things we don't want to relive. We can find ourselves reacting in ways we don't want to react, such as lashing out at our friends or pulling away from loved ones. Reacting to triggers in this way doesn't mean we're crazy or that something is wrong with us.  It means we're human, and it's a normal response to trauma.

Fortunately, if we're aware of our triggers, we can learn how to respond appropriately.  I know when I go to my meeting tomorrow, I am going to face a situation that will trigger those memories again.  This time, however, I'm going in prepared.  I'm going to take a short walk ahead of time, so I can burn off some of my anxiety.  I'm going to take a warm, comforting drink with me and have something in my hand I can fiddle with.  These are some of the things that help me stay calm.

Knowing which things help soothe our nerves is helpful in situations such as these.   It's also helpful to know our triggers and how they make us respond.  Self-regulating can help us avoid the intense feelings and behaviors, and help us choose healthier and more constructive responses. 

Some days will be hard.  You'll be angry, scared, anxious and lonely.  You'll wonder if you'll ever be happy.  If you'll ever be loved.  If you'll ever be worthy.

Then good days will come, and you'll forget about those worries. Life will feel good. You'll have small successes, and you'll feel happy.  

And you know what?  That's okay.  It's how life rolls with it's mixture of pain and pleasure.  We are all a work in progress, trying our best to navigate the waves life sends us...trying our best to figure out who we are.  

Your roller coaster of emotions doesn't make you different or alone—they make you human. They make you just like the rest of us.

Keep being strong.  Keep being brave.  Keep pushing forward.  But most of all, keep believing.

It sounds too good to be true, doesn't it?  Thinking our way to health?  Yet, that's just what recent studies show. Our thoughts are so powerful they can effect our minds, our biology, and even our environments.

New research shows our thoughts have a direct affect on our biology.  According to a leading cellular biologist, Bruce Lipton, "Our minds will adjust our body's biology and behavior to fit with our beliefs." In other words, the more self-critical we are, the more our subconscious minds will work to convince us of our limitations and unworthiness. 
On the flip side, the more we think positively about ourselves, the more our subconscious will work to bring about a positive change to our biology and behavior. 

We may not have much control over our subconscious mind, but we do have control over the thoughts we feed it. Unfortunately, positive thinking doesn't just happen.  It's something we have to do on purpose.  It may feel funny and a little awkward at first talking kindly to ourselves, but it will make a huge difference in our lives. Still Skeptical? 
Just look at this research done by Dr. Emoto on the power of words:
​

We find ourselves together,
Each one bearing the scars from our battles.

Wounded warriors

—Who refuse to give up.
—Who face our fears bravely and lend our strength when someone needs it.

We turn with open arms to those who are hurting and say,
"You are welcome here."
For we know the beauty in a person is found deep beneath their surface.

We listen when you vent
    laugh when you joke
    comfort when you cry
    and walk a mile in your shoes every day if it means it will help you

We've learned the pain of carrying secrets in our wounds is no match
for the hope we can find in the acceptance from another

​So we reach out to one another--
in coffee shops and hallways,
neighborhoods and blog posts,
bravely baring our souls and telling our stories

For we are warriors
Comforters
Menders
Friends

Who know the bravest thing we can do
is open our weaknesses to the scrutiny of another so all can find healing.

We come without judgement.
We come with our scars.
We come as we are.
​
"You are welcome here."

     Do you ever feel like pain is your enemy? You wake up in the morning and try your best, but somehow pain always finds a way to slice through your happiness. And you wonder...will you ever be able to escape it?

     If you feel this way, I'm sorry for the hurt you are experiencing.  I understand where you're coming from; I really do. I've experienced both physical and mental pain that have left me begging for mercy.

      I'd love to take all of that pain away from you, but I know, deep down,  it would be one of the worst things I could do.

     You may be surprised by that statement, but it's true.  You see, pain is not our enemy.  It is simply a warning to us that something is amiss— something's not right.  

    Without pain, we wouldn't know anything was wrong; and that, my friend, could be detrimental. After all, some of the most dangerous types of diseases are those where we feel no pain until it's too late for healing.  

     I'm not saying pain is good, but what I am saying is that pain often triggers us to search for the help we need. It causes us to find new solutions... make supportive connections...repair important relationships.  It causes us to fight with the determination of a warrior, knowing healing is right around the corner.

     Pain doesn't have to be a stumbling block.  It can be a stepping stone—a way out of your faltering strength and into a transformative wholeness.   Don't stop fighting.  Reach out.  Connect.  Search for healing.  It won't be long until you find it.